Holy Uncontrollable Yawns Batman, It’s Date Night!!

Yawn. Sigh. Yawn. Zzzz. It’s date night. Again. Oh joy. The night that so many couples set aside each week or each month that is supposed to spice up their relationship has sadly become a day that many dread. One reason that the movie Date Night is so funny to so many people is that it really hits a nerve and mimics many relationships.

“Do you want to have sex?”

“I don’t do know. Do you? I’m kind of tired.”

THIS is date night? Someone shoot me in the head.

I read recently that married couples, or couples that have been together for awhile, should French kiss for at least ten minutes each day. When is the last time that you French kissed your mate? Planted one on him (or her)? A pure, passionate, unadulterated kiss that made you both tingle and want to continue in the bedroom? A kiss should be sultry, teasing…starting gently by just barely kissing the lips. Gently grabbing one lip with your teeth then teasing it with your tongue. By now your lover should be very intrigued and aroused and will meet your kiss. Now your tongues meet…and dance…and flirt. And the kiss truly begins. But, I digress. We were talking about date night.

Date night should not be a burden nor should it be boring. It should not be dinner at the same restaurant, at the same time, with the same friends, with the same food, with the same bedtime, with no one getting any action. Who the hell came up with this scenario?? Date night should be a game. Which one of you can come up with the best date night? If you can afford it, let there be a prize. Whoever wins picks the next vacation spot (and be fair; men, no golf vacations, women, no spa vacations) or whatever floats your boat.

I’m going to suggest a few things for you. The format of “Why not…” comes from Ricky Gervais: Out of England stand up DVD. If you’ve never seen it, then there’s a date night for you. He is an absolute riot!! British humor, in my opinion, is the best. They are very dry and witty. If you’re going to watch that then get his movie The Invention of Lying. Now when you do a movie night you have to do it the MILF way, or the Chelsea way. I have always believed that I was separated at birth from Chelsea Handler, aka Chelsea Lately. That bitch knows how to live and how to party and how to date. When on a date it’s vodka, vodka, vodka. I know when I get to spend quality time with my man, vodka is essential to unwinding from our day and just losing ourselves in each other. There is always a drink waiting for him inside the door (I’m waiting somewhere else ). Chelsea is also a vodka lover, throws parties almost daily and lives life like she’s going down on the Titanic. I think I love her. So take it from me and from Chelsea, vodka makes everything better. Spice up that movie night with vodka, some Red Bull, and don’t forget some whipped cream and chocolate sauce for later. Sex is NOT optional.

So here is your list. If you don’t like something block it out and move on. Not everything is for everyone, but don’t be scared to go outside of your comfort zone and try something new. You will never be able to find your inner self, inner strength, and inner MILF without reaching deep inside of yourself. Here goes:

1. Why not…have a crazy movie night? Kids to the grandparents, vodka, Red Bull, movies, sexy lingerie, whipped cream, chocolate sauce. And don’t forget that tantalizing kiss.
2. Why not…go to that dinner, wear a sexy dress, and don’t wear panties? Let him feel you up at dinner. Have some dirty talk at dinner. Tell him what you’re going to do to him later, or let him tell you what he’ll do to you. You’ll both be tearing each other’s clothes off by the time you get home. Go ahead and get naked in the car. It’s fun.
3. Why not…act out? Meet at a bar and pretend you don’t know each other. Let him pick you up. Wear an overcoat with only your bra and panties underneath and some super hot FMP’s (f*ck me pumps). Have a hotel room rented where he can take you. Hot damn!
4. Why not…buy some toys? Toys aren’t just for playing with alone, they can be party favors, too. Playing together, watching…it’s all good. Rent a movie, too. If porn is too much for you there is softer porn. Give it a try; you never know what might turn you on until you try.
5. Why not…go to a strip club? Ever been? Going as a couple for a date night can be very erotic. And honey, the lap dance isn’t for him.

Still Rockin’ It.
Scarlet Mom