Archive for September, 2010

Never Settle for Second Best

By Scarlet Mom | September 29, 2010 | Being a Mom IS Sexy, Just For Fun | 2 Comments

I was married for ten, miserable years. Okay…there were maybe three good years that produced my amazing little guy. But I can assure you, I’ll never do it again. And dating in your 40′s? I had all but given up hope.

It used to be that you had to wait for your friends to tell you about their relationships gone bad (or good) but now it seems that everyone pretty much publishes their entire lives in their status updates on Facebook. It’s amazing what people will tell you about their lives through social networking. I watched a couple that I barely knew literally slug it out on FB while she posted pictures of her busted lip. People talk about affairs, knock-down, drag-out fights, and people that have been dating for two weeks post every hour on the hour about how much they love their snookums and can’t live without them. Sometimes it’s entertaining; most of the time it’s way too much information.

Whatever your past is, I believe that it is important to learn from it. My sister would always beat herself up for bad relationship choices but I believe as long as you learn from them and don’t repeat those mistakes, it’s all good. And one thing we definitely agree on is never, ever settle for second best. And one thing we definitely agree on is never, ever settle for second best.We all have a list of traits that we just can’t live without, traits that are realistic, traits that were present in past relationships that we refuse to put up with anymore. Don’t let go of those. As a strong, empowered woman you have every right to say “no” to anything that resembles unhappiness or especially any type of emotional or physical abuse. Free yourself from your past and know that you are a beautiful, strong, sexy woman who deserves the man of her dreams.

Don’t think he’s out there? I believe he is. From the day I separated from my ex, I knew I would not settle. However, the journey was disenchanting. I dated a few men, some for a few months, others a few weeks, only to find that I was still making very poor choices and seemed to be choosing the same type of men, none of which were a good fit for me. Too much drama and nothing fulfilling. I was just repeating my past. I then gave up on relationships all together. I dated…one or two dates, but always disappeared quickly as soon as they wanted more. I knew it was going nowhere and I had been tainted. I was scared and had been scarred. Screw love and screw finding my soul mate; too many shattered hopes had destroyed that dream. Fuck it. Soul mates didn’t exist.

But I now believe they do. I can now look back on the relationships that I have had and see how amazing these men were…and are. I can see, especially from the most recent ones, the important lessons I have learned about life and about myself. They have taught me what things I can live without in a relationship and what things I cannot. They have taught me to be patient and to keep searching; my soul mate is out there.

Ladies, YOUR soul mate is out there. Do not give up. Don’t take shit from anyone. You deserve better…you deserve the best. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. Don’t waste your time on Mr. Wrong. It is better to be with just your friends and with your family than wasting your time with someone who doesn’t treat you right. Be patient. Mr. Right is out there. He may not be Mr. Right Now, but he will come. And don’t let your past skew your judgment. Learn from it, use it, but have a clean, fresh, open heart ready to welcome your soul mate. I opened my eyes and my heart and what did I find? I found a whole world out there just waiting for me.

Still Rockin’ It.
Scarlet Mom

Who has more fun? Blondes, Brunettes, or Red-heads??

By Scarlet Mom | September 28, 2010 | Being a Mom IS Sexy, Spicing Up Date Night, Style | Comments Off

I’m constantly amazed by the women I see in my daily life through work, in the airport, picking up the little guy from school. Some of these women look amazing and I think, “Wow. Good for you.” Others I think, “What are you thinking??” Or rather, is it that they are not thinking…or not looking? Why does it take a divorced woman to take notice of herself in the mirror? I remember when I got married my then mother-in-law gave me this gem of advice: “Now that you’re married you don’t have to worry about your appearance anymore.” Really??? My advice is the opposite. Now that you’re married you have to worry even more about your appearance. Now that you’re married you have to worry EVEN MORE about your appearance. This goes for both of you. You are now sleeping only with each other, spending gobs and gobs of time with each other, and spending endless naked time together. Make it enjoyable to stare endlessly at each other; to caress and explore each other’s bodies. When it’s time for date night, make your partner proud to be with you. Dress that hot, sexy body up and fix your hair (guys, too). And guys, you know you’re going to get some so break out that razor and play dress-up as well.

Speaking of hair, ladies, what have you done with yours lately? Did you know that your hair color changes over your lifetime due to hormones and diet? So the beautiful flowing locks that you had at 20 probably are not the same locks that you have at 40. Do you have gray showing through? If you have naturally dark hair a salt and pepper look probably looks good on you. But if you have anything lighter than “very dark” hair it only makes you look aged. The term “growing old gracefully” has changed to mean growing old with style and class. By not doing anything with your hair, cutting or coloring, you draw attention to negative aspects of yourself. By finding a great colorist and getting a fabulous cut, you can take years off your look in a matter of an hour or two. Have you ever seen Oprah do a show on makeovers and making people look ten years younger? The biggest change is coloring and cutting their hair. My stylist Leigh told me:

Anyone that has had lighter hair their whole life probably will just look aged if they choose to let their gray grow in. There are many services now to meet everyone’s gray coverage needs such as 100% opaque gray coverage or softly covered gray blending where up to 75% gray is covered. Store bought products really lie to you to sell products. If you put permanent hair color from root to end every time you are ruining the hair; it will cause the hair to over grab pigment or have extreme banding. LIKE OLD LADIES!

So which hair color has more fun? They all do…because they took the time to find a good colorist and a good stylist and are rockin’ their look. That’s the key. Read fashion magazines and work with your stylist to find something that suits you and works with your face and your hair. And hair color is fun. You can change it up, change it back, make it more intense, add highlights, have fun with it. Personally, I think red-heads have the most fun, but I’m biased. My favorite compliment from people is, “I love your hair color. Is it yours?” I always answer, “Damn straight it is. I paid for it.”

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

(Leigh is located in Houston at Alan Murphy Salon. If you would like more information about her, please contact me.)

Hey Mom! Just Breathe….

By Scarlet Mom | September 20, 2010 | Being a Mom IS Sexy, Self Improvement | Comments Off

Being a mom IS sexy but it is also exhausting. Sometimes you feel like you just can’t do it, like you are at the end of your rope. MILF? Sex goddess? Fuck that. Give me a valium, some vodka, a babysitter and bubble bath and don’t talk to me…for a week. That’s me right now. Ever been there? That’s what I thought.

Within a week of starting this blog I had a woman comment on my fan page and ask, “…do you REALLY feel like a sexy MILF that is in touch with her inner beauty?? Is that an everyday feeling or just occasionally? Does that feeling just suddenly overtake you while wiping the 3 year-olds fourth poopy diaper in an hour. Or does it appear when the kids are screaming like hooligans at 6:45 in the morning while you desperately try to shush them because you are trying to let their dad sleep in??” My response was “hell no” did I feel it 24/7 but the goal was to hang on to a piece of yourself and not to lose YOU completely. No one can feel sexy with all that going on every minute of every day. That’s why I really stress to my female readers to empower yourselves and to find even just five minutes a day for yourselves, then find thirty and then turn it into an hour a day. Find something that is just for you then something that is just for your and your partner. Don’t let this fickle-ass bitch called life eat you alive.

Some weeks I find that really easy to do. Through yoga and meditation I have found it easy (or maybe easier) to be more present and in the moment and to let the things of the day go. I can have a truly shitty week but once my weekend starts, especially a night off from kids, I am truly present for it. Add to that the vodka that my significant other has waiting for me and I’m ready to rumble. But lately that hasn’t been so easy. My little guy started kindergarten in August and he is having a hell of a time adjusting. Rules, boundaries, sharing; to a strong-willed little boy with a ton, and I mean a ton, of energy, we’re having a tough time adjusting. Daily bad reports and countless notes from the teacher (let’s not forget my upcoming parent/teacher conference this week because of this behavior) are pushing me to my limits. And the behavior doesn’t stop at school. Backtalk, arguing…it’s giving this MILF a run for her money. Hanging on to “me” is harder and harder but I’m holding on tighter and tighter. I refuse to let go.

But I’m lucky. I have the sweetest, best little guy you could ask for. I have a great family in my siblings who also support me, especially my brother, who helps me daily in so many ways. I know how lucky I am but I know that not everyone is so lucky. Rest assured there are others like you out there who struggle every day with motherhood and fatherhood. I encourage you to reach out to other parents through whatever network suits you. It’s so easy today with social networking – Facebook groups (I have a couple favorites marked on my fan page), blogs, other parents at school, you name it. Take solace in numbers and reach out to those around you. Most importantly, know that you are not out here alone.

Still Rockin’ It.
Scarlet Mom

Manicures & Pedicures…and Their Etiquette

By Scarlet Mom | September 19, 2010 | Just For Fun, Style | 2 Comments

I believe that every woman, at some point in their life, should have a manicure and especially a pedicure. We all deserve to be pampered. There is something to be said for taking one hour out of your day, escaping from life, and having someone fawn over you. To have someone file and manicure your nails then paint them. To have them soak and scrub your feet until they are baby soft; and let’s not forget that massage that’s comes with all this. Ahhh…that massage. When you close your eyes and just drift off to your happy place while someone gently rubs and kneads your muscles, taking away all your tension, then life is so good. If you can completely shut out the rest of the world (and are completely exhausted like most moms) you can even drift off for a little nap. In my humble opinion, pedicures are a slice of heaven. I highly recommend them for anyone who has toes. Besides, for anyone trying to improve their appearance, find their inner goddess, this is a very simple way.

As for etiquette, it is a few simple rules that I think most of us already know. As for etiquette, it is a few simple rules that I think most of us already know. It really boils down to simple social skills. You can tell if your “neighbor” wants to chat with you, if you even want to chat. If not, please be gracious and shut the hell up. Nothing is more annoying than someone who can’t take a hint. There are a lot of people that love to chat and make new friends everywhere they go. My brother is one of those people and he has met some amazing people on airplanes and at college and made incredible contacts. But in discussing this issue with him we agreed that those personalities require acute social skills. On a long flight last month he, of course, chatted it up with the gentleman sitting next to him. BUT, they both were able to read the body language of each other and knew when the other was done talking and wanted to kick back, relax, and take a nap.

So as you hop out of those sweats and PJ’s and back on that style train, get out there and get your nails and especially your feet done. Nothing says sexy like soft, manicured feet. To keep them soft between pedicures try Kiehl’s Intensive Treatment and Moisturizer for Dry or Callused Areas (http://www.kiehls.com). Want something less expensive? Put Vaseline on your feet at night with a pair of socks; it works like a charm. But please, please remember…while getting that spa treatment: read the body language of your neighbor. More than likely, silence is golden.

Still Rockin’ It.
Scarlet Mom

A Slimmer, Calmer, Sexier You with Yoga

By Scarlet Mom | September 15, 2010 | Eating Right, Exercise | 3 Comments

Yoga is great for flexibility and for that small group of people who meditate, but does yoga really help with weight loss, give you a better sex life, give you glowing skin, and help you sleep better? You bet it does!! To start, yoga will make you break a sweat, burn calories, and tone and shape your entire body especially if you practice one of the more vigorous types. But calorie burning is not where the bulk of yoga’s weight-loss power comes from. The greatest benefit of yoga is that it helps you get a handle on what your body needs to be healthy.

A study published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association found a strong link between yoga practice and weight maintenance, and the researchers attributed it to “mindful” eating. Yogis, they say, learn how to stay calm in the face of discomfort, and this tendency spills over into other parts of their lives. For example, making it easier to turn down sugary or fried foods, no matter how tempting. The study found no such link between mindful eating and other types of physical exercise.

Mindfulness is a powerful thing, especially when it comes to weight. Scientists at the University of Rhode Island had 30 volunteers eat two identical meals in a lab. During one, they were basically told to shovel the food down with a soupspoon. At the other, they were instructed to eat with a teaspoon, pause between bites, and chew each mouthful 20 to 30 times. The volunteers practically inhaled the first meal in a whopping nine minutes. But when they lingered over their food, the meal stretched to nearly 30 minutes. And the added bonus: They ate 10 percent less. Researchers believe that when you eat more slowly, your body has more time to register fullness and satisfaction, so you stop feeling hungry before you dive into a second – or third – helping.
Researchers believe that when you eat more slowly, your body has more time to register fullness and satisfaction, so you stop feeling hungry before you dive into a second – or third – helping. Another crucial factor in yoga’s pound-melting ability is that it is proven to relax you. This actually has a positive effect on your waistline. Ever stress eat?? Stress causes cortisol levels to increase which in turn messes with signals that control appetite and feelings of fullness and may make you crave that something sweet after a big meal. But yoga can help reduce your stress and cortisol levels. Researchers measured levels of that hormone in female volunteers before and after they participated in yoga classes for a study published in the Medical Science Monitor. Their findings showed that the women’s cortisol levels decreased after taking yoga. Another study actually found that people who practiced yoga regularly for four years or more actually gained less weight over time than those who didn’t do yoga.

Need more convincing? In Women’s Health this month, where I found this information, they published these hot tidbits:

A hotter sex life! For a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, women’s sexual function was measured after participation in a 12-week yoga program. The aspect that improved most for women under 45 was the quality of their orgasms.

Glowing Skin! Stress can make many skin problems worse, from acne to warts. And a Cornell University study showed that when a person is under stress, her skin takes longer than usual to repair itself. As a proven stress reliever, yoga can help skin heal faster and stay clear.

Better sleep! After patients with sleep problems did yoga and meditation during the day, the quality of their sleep improved that night, according to a study reported in Medical Science Monitor.

If all these reasons have convinced you to start a yoga routine, here is the DVD that started it all for me.

This DVD shows three different levels and is a great start for someone who has never stepped foot on a yoga mat. Namaste.

Still Rockin’ It.
Scarlet Mom

Spicing Up Football Season

By Scarlet Mom | September 12, 2010 | Spicing Up Date Night | 1 Comment

Are you ready for some football? Most women cringe at these words every fall. But have no fear, football season doesn’t have to mean five months of boring weekends without your mate. Here are my “why nots” about football season. They work for me and they definitely work for most men.

Why not throw a party, drink some cocktails, get involved and make it a rockin’ afternoon or night? Cocktails, especially vodka (in my opinion), always make things more fun. Inviting friends and having a party can make any day better. It can become a regular thing and you and your partner are now sharing something that was pulling you apart.

Why not share football together and make it a date night or date afternoon? A lot of women have found that they actually enjoy watching football together, whether college or the NFL. Have you checked out how hot those guys look?? You can also wear a sexy outfit and strut around, bending over in front of him (show him your best asset – tits or ass), and a few suggestive whispers after that half-time whistle will have him hitting that pause button before third quarter kicks in. (Have kids in the house? Talk and whisper amongst yourselves about what you WOULD do to each other then do it after the kids go to bed.)

Why not hit a sports bar to watch the game? The atmosphere is electric and exciting. Invite some friends or make new ones. Order some food, drink some beer, or vodka, let loose, and just enjoy each other. It’s time to stop cringing at football season, find common interest in each other, and spice it up…MILF style.

Still Rockin’ It.
Scarlet Mom