Archive for August, 2011

Forgiving Yourself

bali-buddha

I have been angry lately. Which is strange because when I do get angry I don’t stay angry. One of the very first quotes I ever read of the Buddha’s I immediately loved and I have kept it very close to my heart:

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

So for me to hold on to this anger is not like me at all, especially since the person I have been so angry at is me.

As most of you know my last relationship ended in February, although it took until around April for me to sever the ties completely. When I look back at that relationship I can’t help but wonder why I let so many of those things occur that I know are not healthy for a relationship. I allowed him to avoid confrontation and arguments when I know that any relationship needs complete honesty and confrontation in order to survive. I allowed him to nickel and dime me to death and poison our relationship with his pettiness in money issues without saying a word for months. Why did I do this, among other things, for months, until I just exploded? By this time outsiders had noticed, causing me unbelievabe embarrassment as well as causing a major change in the dynamic of our relationship.

I could make many excuses. The truth is I don’t know why. For months now I have beaten myself up over this and wondered why I would allow this behavior when I myself preach to never allow such things. Was it great sex? Me going through a tough time with my job and really needing someone? It doesn’t matter now. What does matter is that I recognize this behavior, have corrected it, and am moving forward. Most importantly, I have forgiven myself. I have stopped beating myself up for allowing those things to happen. I won’t say I made a mistake with the relationship because I we did care very much for each other. However, I believe that had I been more like myself the relationship would not have lasted as long.

In my state of forgiving myself I have remembered what I tell my sister when she seeks my advice. It’s okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and don’t keep repeating them.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

The Amazing Stories My Son Tells Me

Big Kisses

As most of you know my son is adopted. I have told him many times about the day he arrived and how his dad and I got the call that the lady carrying him in her tummy called us telling us that it was time to come to the hospital. We talk about how beautiful and amazing it was the first time we saw him and how we cried when we did. I tell him about the first time I held him in my arms and how I didn’t want to ever let go; that I never did. And I tell him the most important story of all…how I loved him before I ever met him.

The first amazing story he told me was when he was getting ready to go away for the summer to be with his dad. We both were getting sad about being apart from each other and he was telling me how much he loves me and how he would miss me and Skype me every day. Then he told me the most amazing thing. He said, “Mommy, do you know that I loved you before I ever met you?” He proceeded to tell me that before he was ever born he felt my love and that he, too, loved me before he was ever born. I wept like a baby. I am crying as I write this. They are words that will stay with me forever.

Since he has gotten home from his summer away, he has a new, amazing story that he shares with me. He now tells me that he chose me as his mom. The story goes like this:

Mommy, when I was still in your tummy* I crawled out of your tummy and walked around until I found you. I chose you to be my mommy because you are the best mommy in the whole world and I love you so much. Then, I got back in your tummy so I could be born in the hospital. Are you glad I’m your son?

I tell him that he’s the best son ever and that I’m so glad he chose me as his mommy because I chose him as my son (it’s part of his adoption story we tell him). I tell him that my life would not be complete without him.

What are some of the stories and exchanges you share with your children? Do they make you weep like these make me weep? I would love to hear them.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

* My little guy knows that he didn’t come out of my tummy, but I don’t feel it warrants correcting during such a beautiful story.

Pick Your Battles

chicken6

This post is from The Bloggess. It’s hilarious. She’s hilarious. It’s about Beyonce, #themetalchicken.

It is a must read if you haven’t already seen it. Enjoy.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

Never Arrive Empty Handed

manflower

I hope that every man reading this knows that you never, ever, arrive at anyone’s door empty-handed. For that matter, every person reading this should know the same. Never arrive as an invited guest empty-handed. It is incredibly rude.

The Art of Manliness just posted a blog about this and he gives some great pointers about it.

An important rule to remember is that you should never bring anything that makes more work for your hosts. The best example is that of flowers: If you bring a cello-wrapped bouquet, your hostess must stop what she is doing, find a vase, trim the ends from the flowers and greenery, arrange the bouquet, and find a place for it. If you’re giving flowers, be sure to bring a bouquet that is already arranged in a vase.

Likewise, never bring food to add to the menu unless your hostess has specifically requested you do so. If you’d like to bring food or drink as your gift, make sure your hosts understand that the gift is for their enjoyment, and you don’t expect them to share it with their guests.

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with bringing food for a get together as long as it is already prepared and ready to put out. It should not require any further prep even if you are the one doing all the prep. The host or hostess will already be busy in his or her kitchen; you will only be in the way.

On this same note, a gentleman should know the ins and outs of gift giving for dates. This is a delicate yet important part of dating and a real man knows how to do this correctly. A friend of mine was telling me about a first date that showed up at a restaurant carrying a gas station bouquet, complete with baby’s breath, ferns, and carnations. The stems were even wrapped with green tape. Sorry dude, you don’t even get an “A” for effort. A single stem rose would have been the perfect thing to take to my friend and cost him next to nothing. Class, not money, wins every time.

So what are the gifts that you should give on a first date or or while dating when you are smitten with your new love? It’s only natural in our commercial world to want to get your plastic out and start spending but try to resist. The smallest amount of imagination shows forethought and kindness and it shows that you listen well, which in a man’s case is hugely to his advantage when dating. Listen to her and surprise her now and later, much later. Take note of the little things she mentions and surprise her with them as you progress in your dating. These little gifts will win her heart like nothing else. Infrequently surprising your partner with gifts is wonderful. Don’t ever forget that.

Here are some great gift ideas:

Small bunches of natural flowers
No carnations (they are cheap fillers); go to an actual flower store, not the grocery store. Do not get a dozen roses (you can do that with your eyes closed) and have the florist help you hand select a beautiful bouquet.

His/her perfume or cologne
Add the body lotion, powder, after shave lotion. Complete his/her set; how flattering that you took the time to notice the brand.

Cards and messages
No eCards, an actual card from a store; write something in it, don’t just sign your name.

Prepare your date dinner
Nothing says I love you like cooking or baking.

Theater and concert tickets
Is there something he or she has been wanting to see? Splurge for the good seats. Don’t forget a nice dinner beforehand.

Paying for a small trip
If you commit, commit for the whole thing. Don’t let your partner pay for anything (cheap dates really suck). Plan some really romantic things during your trip.

A well-researched book
This shows you really listen to him or her.

Finding that perfect someone is not easy. When you do, treat them right. And never, ever, take the cheap route.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

Scarlet Mom: Delivered Right to Your Inbox

Screen shot 2011-08-11 at 8.47.45 AM

You can now subscribe and have my blogs delivered directly to your inbox.

On the right-hand side of my web page is a place to sign up >>>> with your email address. Once you do, blogs will be delivered right to your inbox. I have a few friends that have been asking for this option so, here you go!!

Of course, you don’t have to sign up. But, if you want the convenience, it’s now there.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

20 Habits That Make You Fat

fatman2

Eat This Not That has come up with a great new must-read list that none of us should miss. 20 Habits That Make You Fat has some great no brainers on it as well as some that will really surprise you. Here they are.

#1: Eating “low-fat”

It sounds crazy, but stop buying foods marketed as low-fat or fat-free. Typically, they save you only a few calories and, in doing so, they replace harmless fats with low-performing carbohydrates that digest quickly—causing a sugar rush and, immediately afterward, rebound hunger.

#2: Not seeking nutrition advice

Good news here: By reading this, you’re already forming habits that can help you shed pounds. When Canadian researchers sent diet and exercise advice to more than 1,000 people, they found that the recipients began eating smarter and working more physical activity into their daily routines. Not surprisingly, the habits of the non-recipients didn’t budge.

#3: Sleeping too little or too much

According to Wake Forest researchers, dieters who sleep five hours or less put on 2½ times more belly fat, while those who sleep more than eight hours pack on only slightly less than that. Shoot for an average of six to seven hours of sleep per night—the optimal amount for weight control.

#4: Eating free restaurant foods

Breadsticks, biscuits, and chips and salsa may be complimentary at some restaurants, but that doesn’t mean you won’t pay for them. Every time you eat one of Olive Garden’s free breadsticks or Red Lobster’s Cheddar Bay Biscuits, you’re adding an additional 150 calories to your meal. Eat three over the course of dinner and that’s 450 calories. That’s also roughly the number of calories you can expect for every basket of tortilla chips you get at your local Mexican restaurant. What’s worse, none of these calories comes paired with any redeeming nutritional value. Consider them junk food on steroids.

#5: Drinking soda—even diet!

The average American guzzles nearly a full gallon of soda every week. Why is that so bad? Because a 2005 study found that drinking one to two sodas per day increases your chances of being overweight or obese by nearly 33 percent. And diet soda is no better. When researchers in San Antonio tracked a group of elderly subjects for nearly a decade, they found that compared to nondrinkers, those who drank two or more diet sodas a day watched their waistlines increase five times faster. The researchers theorize that the artificial sweeteners trigger appetite cues, causing you to unconsciously eat more at subsequent meals.

#6: Skipping meals

In a 2011 national survey from the Calorie Control Council, 17 percent of Americans admitted to skipping meals to lose weight. The problem is, skipping meals actually increases your odds of obesity, especially when it comes to breakfast. A study from the American Journal of Epidemiology found that people who cut out the morning meal were 4.5 times more likely to be obese. Why? Skipping meals slows your metabolism and boosts your hunger. That puts your body in prime fat-storage mode and increases your odds of overeating at the next meal.

#7: Eating too quickly

If your body has one major flaw, this is it: It takes 20 minutes for your stomach to tell your brain that it’s had enough. A study in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association found that slow eaters took in 66 fewer calories per meal, but compared to their fast-eating peers, they felt like they had eaten more. What’s 66 calories, you ask? If you can do that at every meal, you’ll lose more than 20 pounds a year!

#8: Watching too much TV

A University of Vermont study found that overweight participants who reduced their TV time by just 50 percent burned an additional 119 calories a day on average. That’s an automatic 12-pound annual loss! Maximize those results by multitasking while you watch—even light household tasks will further bump up your caloric burn. Plus, if your hands are occupied with dishes or laundry, you’ll be less likely to mindlessly snack—the other main occupational hazard associated with tube time.

#9: Ordering the combo meal

A study in the Journal of Public Policy & Marketing shows that compared to ordering a la carte, you pick up a hundred or more extra calories by opting for the “combo” or “value meal.” Why? Because when you order items bundled together, you’re likely to buy more food than you want. You’re better off ordering your food piecemeal. That way you won’t be influenced by pricing schemes designed to hustle a few more cents out of your pocket.

#10: Facing the buffet

Cornell researchers found that when eating at a buffet-style restaurant, obese diners were 15 percent more likely to choose seats with a clear view of the food. Your move: Choose a seat that places your back toward the spread. It will help you avoid fixating on the food.

#11: Eating off larger plates

One study found that when given an option, a whopping 98.6 percent of obese individuals opt for larger plates. Translation: More food, more calories, and more body fat. Keep your portions in check by choosing smaller serving dishes. If need be, you can always go back for seconds.

#12: Putting serving dishes on the table

Resist setting out foods buffet- or family-style, and opt instead to serve them from the kitchen. A study in the journal Obesity found that when food is served from the dinner table, people consume 35 percent more over the course of the meal. When an additional helping requires leaving the table, people hesitate to go back for more.

#13: Choosing white bread

A study from the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that when obese subjects incorporated whole grains into their diets, they lost more abdominal fat over the course of 12 weeks. There are likely multiple factors at play, but the most notable is this: Whole grain foods pack in more fiber and an overall stronger nutritional package than their refined-grain counterparts.

#14: Taking big bites

The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that people who took large bites of food consumed 52 percent more calories in one sitting than those who took small bites and chewed longer. By cutting food into smaller pieces, you can increase satiety and enjoy your food more thoroughly. A good general rule? The smaller your bites, the thinner your waistline.

#15: Not drinking enough water

Adequate water intake is essential for all your body’s functions, and the more you drink, the better your chances of staying thin. In one University of Utah study, dieting participants who were instructed to drink two cups of water before each meal lost 30 percent more weight than their thirsty peers. And you can magnify the effect by adding ice. German researchers found that six cups of cold water a day could prompt a metabolic boost that incinerates 50 daily calories. That’s enough to shed five pounds a year!

#16: Having overweight friends

Research from the New England Journal of Medicine indicates that when a friend becomes obese, it ups your chance of obesity by 57 percent. This probably has to do with the social norms that you’re exposed to. Rather than ditch a friend who starts to put on a few extra pounds though, suggest healthy activities that you can do together, and avoid letting him or her dictate the meal (“Let’s split the cheesecake!”).

#17: Eating too late

Your body can burn flab while you sleep, but only if it isn’t too busy processing a full stomach. A new study in the journal Obesity looked at the sleeping and eating habits of 52 people over seven days, and it found that those who ate after 8 p.m. took in the most daily calories and had the highest BMIs.

#18: Not using a scale

Looking at your body weight reinforces weight-loss goals and makes it difficult to cheat your diet. When University of Minnesota researchers observed dieters who weighed themselves daily, they discovered that the routine of stepping on a scale helped those people lose twice as much weight as those who weighed themselves less frequently. Avoid being thrown off by natural fluctuations in body weight by stepping onto the scale at the same time every day.

#19: Drinking fruity beverages

Most restaurants and bars have ditched their fresh-fruit recipes in favor of viscous syrups made mostly from high fructose corn syrup and thickening agents. As a general rule, the more garnishes a drink has hanging from its rim, the worse it is for your waistline.

#20: Eating when emotional

A study from the University of Alabama found that emotional eaters—those who admitted eating in response to emotional stress—were 13 times more likely to be overweight or obese. If you feel the urge to eat in response to stress, try chewing a piece of gum, chugging a glass of water, or taking a walk around the block. Create an automatic response that doesn’t involve food and you’ll prevent yourself from overloading on calories.

Can you change just three things from your lifestyle? How about five? Then you’re on way to a healthier lifestyle.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom