Archive for September, 2011

Do You Work For The CIA?

By Scarlet Mom | September 29, 2011 | Self Improvement, Single & Loving It | Comments Off

Attention men! Do you wear your cell phone as an accessory? Is it attached to your hip? Literally? Allow me to let you in on a little secret. Unless you work for the FBI or the CIA then there is no phone call important enough that you must be able to access your phone in the manner of a fastest draw gun shoot-out. Trust me, if you have to take the time to reach into your pocket to grab your phone the world will not end and no one will die. We women do it all the time. In fact, we actually have to dig around in our purses to find our phones. Sometimes (you may want to sit down for this) we have to call the person back because we don’t get to our phone in time. Guess what? When we call back the person on the other end is still breathing.

Holy double orgasm batman! He has two cell phones!!
Do you wear two cell phones? You’re an even bigger asshole. Hey, I’ve had two cell phones too…one for work and one for personal use. But do you know what? I have never had the urge to wear them as an accessory. Do you know why? Because I have taste.

Are you an alien that works for the CIA?
Do you have a blue blinking light in your ear? If I see you walking in a store or in a restaurant with that m*ther f*ucking ear piece in, I’m going to rip it out. You look like a complete douche bag. You probably are one if you’re actually wearing it, but I wouldn’t talk to you if you were the last man on earth so I really don’t care if you are one or just look like one.

This advice is brought to you today by Scarlet Mom. Take my advice to heart: if you’re a single man and want to get laid this decade, I would lose the cell phone jewelry. Oh…and shine your shoes.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

The Strength of Family…Even the Dysfunctional Ones

By Scarlet Mom | September 29, 2011 | Just For Fun, Self Improvement | Comments Off

I love my family. I really do. Even as messed up as we all are, I love the whole lot of them. If anyone ever tells you their family isn’t dysfunctional in any way, they’re lying. They may say their family is perfect because, to them, it very well may be. I have yet to reach perfection (in my family, at least ) but the strength I draw from my family is immeasurable.

I am utterly amazed at what a small child can bring to one’s life. The laughter, the sorrow, the joy, the worry, the frustration, and, of course, the unconditional love. Love so overwhelming that sometimes it just washes over me and overwhelms me. Some days it is so strong that I just have to sit and be in the moment with it, appreciate it, be present with it. Some days I can’t get close enough to that little guy; I just can’t hug him enough, hold him close enough. Some days I just want to run away from home. Some days I wonder if I’m good enough for this, if I’m failing as a mom. Some days I’m just numb. But then the little guy just lights up the room with his adorable self and will give me a good belly laugh with what comes out of his mouth. Like last night:

“Mom, I have a dad, a mom, and a step mom. Why don’t I have a step dad? It’s really not that hard. (Remember his dad lives out of state) You just go out of the state, look around and get married. Why do YOU find it so hard?”

Recently, I have starting to rebuild the relationship with my father. I was so nervous at first and took very small baby steps. First emails, then a face-to-face meeting, then breakfast. I have no intention of rehashing the past; that is gone and all is forgiven. Life is about living in the present moment and looking forward. I also know to manage my expectations with my father, I always have. But something amazing happened. Life happened along the way. Not only have I grown and matured during these years of not speaking to him but, dare I say, he has grown and matured (and mellowed) during these years.

My father is no longer as antagonistic as he used to be. He is accepting of the spiritual path I have chosen. Years ago, he would have berated me constantly about it. And, most importantly, nothing brought him greater joy than meeting his grandson for the first time. He seemed giddy at our breakfast and brought a bag full of toys for him. Last weekend at my father’s house we didn’t want to leave. What an unexpected surprise! He has gone out of his way to get to know his grandson so that I could have family support here in town for the first time ever. When I read his email offering that I cried. This is not the same man I grew up with.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing. What would I have missed had I not invited my father back into my life? Back into our life? I am so thankful that I opened my heart to this man and let him into my life again. For the first ever, all of my siblings and I will be together with my dad at Thanksgiving. This is truly something to be thankful for.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

You Are Never Alone

By Scarlet Mom | September 24, 2011 | Self Improvement | Comments Off

Over the past few months we have witnessed many tragedies: fires, hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes…only to name a few. And let’s not forget about our servicemen and women fighting for our freedom every single day. Victims of these tragedies always feel so alone and isolated in the aftermath. I know this for a fact because a dear friend lost his home recently in the Texas fires. I cannot even fathom what it must feel like to watch everything you own disappear in an instant. I assured him that everything that burned is replaceable but he and his son are not. Thankfully they escaped unharmed. But truly, after the reality of it all begins to set in, how comforting can those words actually be? When you and your family are touring the devastation those words may ring in your ears but I would wager that they don’t mean as much to the victims as they do to us.

What was comforting to my friend was how many friends, near and far, old and new, that were there to help. Friends he didn’t even know he had. Friends he hadn’t spoken to in over twenty years. He had to ask people to STOP sending clothing donations because he ran out of room to store everything. We set up a cash donation page and people he didn’t even recognize at first were donating. It was truly amazing!! In times of tragedy look around you and see who your true friends really are. Walter Winchell said it best:

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

In times of strife our spirituality holds us together more than anything else. Most of you know that I am not a religious person. I do not subscribe to the ubiquitous label of God but I certainly do believe that there is something bigger and more powerful than all of us out there in the Universe. I see it and feel it everyday and am amazed at the workings of “The Universe” or “God” in my everyday life. I have experienced horrible tragedy in my life but can always look back and see the incredible lessons and benefits that life has to teach me.

So to the victims of recent tragedies my message is this: Although these may be among the worst times of your life you are truly not alone. There is a force much more powerful than you at work. It may take years before you understand why but one day you will. Until then, hold tight to your family and to your friends. Accept the help that they are offering. We are in your life for a reason.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

May You Have Many Worries

By Scarlet Mom | September 12, 2011 | Self Improvement | Comments Off

It really amazes me sometimes to see how the universe works. Call it the Universe or call it God, things just always have a way of easing perfectly into place just when you need them. I spent the majority of this morning in tears. A horrible argument with my ex sent me spiraling. Am I really that horrible? Did I really used to treat him so badly in our marriage? The past five years of soul searching and tremendous growth have been very good for me and it only took me a second to realize that yes, I used to handle things very poorly. But did I really do something to warrant such hurtful swipes? My new-found spiritual beliefs tell me that no one deserves to be spoken to so harshly or be purposely hurt with such spiteful words.

I was feeling quite low as I went through my morning, going to appointments for work. As I waited in an office I was reading Tiny Buddha and stumbled upon a post entitled May You Have Many Worries. There were two things that really jumped out at me and changed my entire day.

First, this statement:

“You really don’t have that kind of time.”

We all live under the illusion that we have time. Lots of it. Time to argue, time to bicker, time to worry, time to do so many things. But the truth is that we don’t. Life is precious and it can be gone in an instant. Stop worrying about tomorrow. Stop worrying about things that you cannot change. Cherish today. Cherish this very moment. Don’t die wishing you had lived more or spent more time with loved ones. No one ever wishes they had worked more while on their death bed. This life is precious and time is ticking.

Second, was this:

“Don’t wait for a big trouble to come along and make you realize that your small troubles don’t matter.”

The title of this blog comes from an old Yiddish blessing that ironically wishes, “May you have many worries.”

At first glance, it seems more like a curse than a blessing. Why would you wish someone you care about many worries? If we have many troubles swirling about us—and we choose to entertain those worries—that means that we do not have a single, overriding worry to consume us. And the absence of that single, oppressive worry is a blessing in itself.

There is a great source of empowerment in this understanding: If large troubles displace small worries and with a single powerful stroke, suddenly wiping our slate of worries clean, then we ourselves can choose to wipe that slate clean at any moment.

So today, I choose to wipe my slate clean. My clock is ticking. I refuse to waste my valuable time here worry, fighting, and doing unproductive things. I choose life. How about you? What do you choose?

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

The Proper Way to Wear Cologne and Perfume

By Scarlet Mom | September 12, 2011 | Just For Fun, Self Improvement | Comments Off

When it comes to colognes and perfumes, less is definitely more. Basically, if people start wheezing and coughing when they come near you then you have overdone it. We shouldn’t be able to smell you five minutes after you leave the room. And you shouldn’t be able to clear out an elevator just by walking onto it (and still five minutes after you have exited). Why is it that only people who wear cheap, nasty-smelling colognes wear too much of it? Somehow, people who pay for the good stuff have figured out that taking a bath in it makes it smell like crap and makes those around you gag.

Why, you may ask, does everyone have such a vendetta against these people? It gives the impression that the person has two major traits that we all tend to dislike: social ignorance and overindulgence. People wonder how the person can’t tell why others are maintaining a ten foot radius around him or her, or how they thought that slathering on a rich fragrance would make them seem more appealing. Quite literally, wearing too much cologne or perfume reeks of desperation or arrogance.

Here are some basic rules for wearing cologne:

- If you can smell your own cologne or perfume, you’re wearing too much.
- One spray on your neck and one on your wrist is more than enough.
- If you must touch up in the evening, just add one spray. No more.
- NEVER EVER put on cologne or perfume before going to the gym or yoga.
- When you apply your cologne or perfume, don’t dab it; it “breaks” the scent.
- If you have dry skin, use a scented cream with your perfume. Apply it to your neck, hands, arms and wrists. Remember that even the most concentrated perfumes don’t last long on dry skins, so you will have to keep your skin moist.
- Oiler skins usually hold fragrances for longer as opposed to drier ones. If you fall into this category, you may use less concentrated (and more affordable) products, such as eau de cologne, which contains 2 to 5% of perfume diluted with alcohol and water or eau de toilette, which contains 4 to 10% of pure perfume oil.
- If you have short hair spray a small amount on your roots.
- If you have long hair scent your ends so the perfume will disperse evenly and leave a trail.
- Natural materials like cotton, linen, cashmere and silk enhance any perfume, so spray a small amount on your cotton shirts and woollen scarves before going out.
- Synthetic materials, on the other hand, are not usually breathable and cause their wearers to sweat a lot. When sweat comes in contact with perfume, whatever it is, it usually gives off an unpleasant odor so you might want to avoid perfuming your clothes if they are made of synthetic fibers such as nylon or polyester.
- Don’t use the same fragrance for a long time or the sensory cells situated in your nasal cavity will get used to it and you will end up being unable to smell it. In such cases, people tend to wear more perfume than they usually do, ignoring the fact that everyone else around them can smell it.
- If you’re not sure if you are wearing too much cologne or perfume, ask a friend. Just make sure it is a true friend that will tell you the truth.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

The Worst First Date You Can Possibly Imagine

By Scarlet Mom | September 4, 2011 | Single & Loving It | Comments Off

Think your first dates are bad? I thought mine were bad, too. That was until a friend confided in me about his worst first date. It actually won a radio contest. I admit…he wins, hands down. I hope I never have a first date, or any date, that trumps this.

I was going to a Second Baptist Singles group called No Fences. A friend of mine set me up with a friend of hers thinking we might hit it off. I spoke with this woman on the phone a few times and she seemed quite benign. I asked if she was going the Second Baptist Singles Christmas party. It was the same night as her Law Firm’s office party and she suggested I pick her up from there for our “first date.” Sounds innocent enough. We speak a few more times and all is well. I pick her up from her Law Firm and I’m surprised to find that she has been drinking. She is eating Altoids to try and cover it up but to no avail. I am obviously unhappy. This is only the beginning. Our mutual friend calls her and asks where we are so I decided to just go to the party and hoped everything would be fine.

We get there, the music is down low, people are arriving and many are eating. She does not look for her friend but instead walks right to the middle of the dance floor and starts grooving…all by herself. Don’t forget these are Baptists! She kicks her shoes into the corner and just grooves like she was the only one in the room, feeling every slow beat of the music. If she would have opened her eyes she would have realized the crowd had backed even further away and was staring, slack-jawed, at her. Every few minuets she would try to grab someone to dance with her. She grabbed a nice young man who has a heart of gold but sadly a lower IQ than many. With his plate in his hand he began to dance with her. I could only take a few more minutes of this before I stepped in and told her to stop.

She got pissed, grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom. I told my friends I needed to get her out of there right as I saw the singles class leader walking right toward me. By now all eyes were on me. She told me my date was drunk in the bathroom and we needed to leave immediately. I told her the situation but she did not care. Well, my date grooves back across the room and I tell her we need to leave…NOW! She proceeds to scream in a quiet room, “You can f*ck me but you can’t be seen in public with me?” All the air left my lungs while the entire room gasped at the same time. I could not get a single word out. I had them in my head but could not speak.

I headed to the front door of the church and gave a cab driver $50 to take her home. When she realized I was not going with her, she got out of the yellow mini-van and punched me right in the face. I turned and grabbed her arm only to see 30 people, mostly from my group again, gasp. I told her to calm down and had the valet get my car. A friend said he and his date would ride with us back to her place (truthfully, I wanted witnesses) but she was not having it. With great anxiousness, we headed out alone. Once on the freeway she tried to jump out of the car but the seat belt held her. I told her to calm down and behave. We got to 610 and the Beltway and out of nowhere she again tries to jump out (I’m doing 65mph). I grab her arm & hold her in. The door was just lightly latched when I exited into Jersey Village subdivision.

I saw that a subdivision cop had someone pulled over so I pulled over in front of them and told the female officer I needed help. She put me in her car for her safety, she went and spoke to my date. Minutes later over the radio I hear “possible assault on a female…NEED BACK UP!” A male officer suddenly pulls up, siren blaring. He walks up to me and says, “You think you’re tough hitting a woman?” I was shocked! He then returned to her and both officers continued listening to her story. After about five minutes they came back to me and asked for my ID. I had a Second Baptist logo in my wallet that the cop noticed so he finally began to listen to me.

He finally stopped me and and told me that the bottle of water that she had been sipping all night was straight vodka. She had red marks on her wrists from me grabbing her and holding her in the car which is why the officers initially believed her story of assault. She finally fessed up and I was free to go. When they were walking her past me to give her a ride home, she elbowed the female officer in the back shoving her out of the way and she slapped me. The officers grabbed her and slammed her so hard to get her off me that they broke the rear passenger window out of the police car. At this point, she was no longer going home; she had earned herself a trip downtown. I told the officers “thank you” and headed to a friend’s home.

My cell phone rang a for two hours straight. When I finally checked the endless messages it was her apologizing and telling me she loved me and how her life was over. A few hours later I headed home. When I reached for my keys I realized they were gone. While waiting for the locksmith I checked the rest of the crazy messages. On one of the messages she informed me while I was talking to the officers she removed the keys off my key ring and threw them out the window. She followed this with “our children would have been pretty” and hung up.

To this day, it’s the worst date story I can think of and, sadly, I was there.