Do You Work For The CIA?

Attention men! Do you wear your cell phone as an accessory? Is it attached to your hip? Literally? Allow me to let you in on a little secret. Unless you work for the FBI or the CIA then there is no phone call important enough that you must be able to access your phone in the manner of a fastest draw gun shoot-out. Trust me, if you have to take the time to reach into your pocket to grab your phone the world will not end and no one will die. We women do it all the time. In fact, we actually have to dig around in our purses to find our phones. Sometimes (you may want to sit down for this) we have to call the person back because we don’t get to our phone in time. Guess what? When we call back the person on the other end is still breathing.

Holy double orgasm batman! He has two cell phones!!
Do you wear two cell phones? You’re an even bigger asshole. Hey, I’ve had two cell phones too…one for work and one for personal use. But do you know what? I have never had the urge to wear them as an accessory. Do you know why? Because I have taste.

Are you an alien that works for the CIA?
Do you have a blue blinking light in your ear? If I see you walking in a store or in a restaurant with that m*ther f*ucking ear piece in, I’m going to rip it out. You look like a complete douche bag. You probably are one if you’re actually wearing it, but I wouldn’t talk to you if you were the last man on earth so I really don’t care if you are one or just look like one.

This advice is brought to you today by Scarlet Mom. Take my advice to heart: if you’re a single man and want to get laid this decade, I would lose the cell phone jewelry. Oh…and shine your shoes.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom