Bentleys Need Gas, Too

As I was gassing up my car the other day I had a thought. Bentlys need gas, too, don’t they? And Porches, and Ferraris, etc. As Billy Bob in his wife-beater and enormous beer gut checked me out, hoping to get my phone number, I wondered, “Where do these fine automobiles and, more importantly, their owners, gas up?”

And please allow me a moment to digress. If you own said wife beater, burn it. Or, leave planet earth. There is no place for it, not even at the gym. Especially if you are grossly overweight. Whatever possessed you to tear out the sleeves of an otherwise good shirt, look in the mirror, and think, “This looks good?” You look like a complete fucking idiot! If you are rocking a cut, beautiful body, a well-fitted T-shirt suits you better. The wife-beater should be burned along with crocs, mom-jeans, and Birkenstocks. While you’re at it, if you believe that sweatpants should be a staple of your wardrobe burn those, too. Sweatpants are to be worn around the house, not outside of it. Do you own yoga pants but have never been to a yoga class or work out? Burn them because let’s face it, you probably shouldn’t be wearing them either. Wearing yoga pants after you have done yoga to run errands is acceptable; wearing yoga pants as a wardrobe item is just plain stupid. If you have gained too much weight to wear your clothes you can do one of two things: 1. Accept your new body and buy new clothes; or, 2. Lose weight. I will now get off my soap box.

So back to the gas station. If you’re single, or even if you’re not, you never know who you will run into and chances are when you least expect it you will run into Mr. or Ms. Right. When you leave the house, shower (dear God, please shower), throw on some decent clothes, wear some acceptable shoes, do something with your hair, put on some seriously cool shades, THEN hit on the beautiful people…Bentley or no Bentley. Bottom line, always look your best. If you look your worst, you will always run into someone you wish you hadn’t.