Today I turn 44. I used to cringe every time I turned a year older but then I realized that turning a year older is much better than being six feet under…or dying from a terminal illness. So, today I wholeheartedly celebrate starting my 45th year of life (no, that’s not a typo; think about it).
A couple days ago I was down in the dumps and having a bit of a pity party for myself. Why? First, I’m unemployed. But now I see that being laid off for the second time in as many years only lends itself to showing me how much I want to be self-employed. It has me thinking more and more about it, what I want and possibly can do to make this a reality. Hardships make us stronger and help us to find new and better ways to live our lives.
Second, as much as I love my independence, this house is sometimes lonely to come home to. I’m ready to share my life with someone but, obviously, Mr. Amazing hasn’t arrived on my doorstep. I get annoyed when things don’t happen in my time frame; I’m working through that. I think I used to want a man just to satiate physical needs and I also started to believe that marriage was nothing more than a financial arrangement. I think that my callous nature has softened and I have warmed up to the idea of a “real” relationship. Does he really exist? I guess only time will tell.
Every year I realize how unbelievably amazing and spectacular my life really is. My relationship with my son grows and evolves and deepens beyond what I could have ever imagined. My relationship with my brothers and sister and my father continue to grow as well. Gatherings at my home with all of my family warm my heart and fulfill a deep need that I suppressed for many years. It’s truly a blessing from the universe.
I continue to feel better, look better, and accomplish goals every step of my life. I can’t ask for anything more.
Still Rockin’ It at 44