A blog to the 30-year-old me

Today I am guest blogging for My Thirty Spot and her Love For 30 Project. I jumped at this chance to talk to the 30-year-old me and especially thirty-somethings and give them some perspective from a 44-year-old single mom.

Life has turned out pretty well for me: I just published my first book, Evolve or Die Single; I have an amazing 7-year-old son; and I have a wonderful family and great friends. I have zero complaints. But fourteen years after turning the big 3-0, I have learned some valuable life lessons that I am happy to pass on to the sisterhood:

- Your biological clock does not dictate when you should get married. Listen to your heart and your mind.
- Never have a child just because everyone else is or because you feel pressured. Not everyone has to have a baby.
- It’s okay to be a little bit selfish.
- Do not settle just because you’re now 30. If you find yourself saying, “He’ll mature” or “Things will get better once we get married” then RUN.
- Never allow someone to emotionally or physically abuse you. Use those legs and find the door. You’re better and stronger than that.
- “A woman should act like a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom” has two distinct messages and each has equal weighting.
- Never be afraid to ask for what you want out of a relationship. If your partner can’t deliver, end it.
- As men head towards 40 they tend to become more insecure; as women head towards 40 we tend to find ourselves, become independent, and need men less. Use your power kindly and wisely.
- Prince Charming doesn’t actually exist and he certainly won’t come sweep you away and into the sunset to live happily ever after. Get an education, get a career, and be self-sufficient. THEN find someone that you’re truly happy to be with. Even then, remember that relationships always take work.
- If you’re not happy with your career, change it. If you’re miserable now, in 20 years you’ll still be miserable.
- Never marry a man who won’t get off his ass and contribute or be productive in some way.
- Learn to satisfy yourself in bed. If you don’t know how, how can you teach your partner?
- Learn how to be comfortable alone. If you can’t, figure out why.
- Respect your body and make men respect you. Your vagina is not a toy to be passed around for their amusement.
- Read and study Pamela Redmond Satran’s list, 30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30
- What you put in your body significantly effects how you feel and how you look, now and in the future
- It’s now time to find a good dermatologist and start seeing him or her once a year. This person is your gateway to great skin for the rest of your life. Don’t believe you need to start now? Check out my photo. I started at 30 and these are the results.
- It’s also time to stop worshiping the sun and time to start wearing a separate sunscreen under your make-up EVERY DAY. Be sure to apply it to your hands, too; you can always tell a woman’s age by her hands.
- Do not over tweeze your eyebrows; eventually they stop growing back.
- Try to learn something new every year.
- Try to go somewhere new every year.
- Vote with your heart and mind, not with your friends. Stand up for what you believe in.
- Success and beauty come from within. If you rely only on external factors, you will watch everything fade away.
- Every photo you see in magazines is edited with Photoshop; they are beyond reality. Learn to love yourself and who you truly are, not what you think reality is edited to look like.
- People in your life will either fulfill you or suck the life out of you. Purge your life of the latter.

Enjoy your 30s and don’t be afraid of your 40s. They’re pretty amazing, too!!

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

Photo courtesy of Dreamstime

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About the author
I am a single mom & author. I write about dating, sexuality, health, parenting, and trying to have it all. My new book, "Evolve or Die Single," is a must-read for single men & women...it even has some sizzling tips for couples.

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