From emailing to talking…what not to do when online dating


Congratulations! You posted some decent photos and worked on a write-up that told the story of why someone should reach out and touch you (literally or not) and now someone is interested. So what should you say in your email? During your first telephone conversation? Let me give you a couple of real life examples of what not to do. You may not believe these are real, but these are from real friends who, unfortunately, suffer the same frustrations I do out there in the dating world.

Your first phone conversation should not resemble this conversation:

“Hi. It’s [insert name]. I’m at the store but I’ve got a few minutes to talk. How are you? … Well, I’m okay. Well, actually, I think I am passing a kidney stone.”

And then he described what happens when you’re passing a stone in case I didn’t know. Seriously?!

Your first email exchange needs to identify something in his or her profile that is a commonality between the two of you in order to strike up a conversation, not to find out how hot he or she is and how quickly you can bed them. A really savvy person can see you coming a mile away and will put you in your place. Here’s an example:

So this guy contacts me and says he’s curious. Are you fit? Do you live an active lifestyle? That’s what he wants, a hot bod. I’m thinking, “fuck off!” So I respond:

Do I climb mountains and scale tall buildings on a daily basis for fun? No. Do I have a six pack that rivals Arnold Schwarzenegger in his bodybuilding days? No. Do I sit on my ass all day eating and watching my “stories” on TV? No to that, too. I’ve got two kids, I’m in school, but I exercise a few times a week. I’m busy and I like it that way. If that’s what you mean by active, then I guess I am. I take good care of myself and my looks are very important to me, but if you’re looking for a Barbie doll on roids, you’re not gonna find her in me.

Haha…he wrote back: Nope, not looking for a Barbie doll on roids. Thanks for getting back to me.

What an awesome, savvy bitch!! That’s why we’re friends. :)

Here’s a couple other examples of what not to say in your first email, all of which I cover in my book, Evolve or Die Single: A No BS Guide to Dating.

How are you?

Nice day out today.

Horrible day out today.

You’re beautiful.

Hi. I’m [an idiot].

Seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to say to these? If we were meeting in person and someone walked up to me and said, “You’re beautiful” I would roll my eyes and walk off. Being behind the computer gives you time to be a bit more creative, find some commonalities and talk about them. Use this precious resource!

Something that many people forget to do…read the damn profile!!!! I cannot stress this enough. I am an agnostic and study Buddhism; it clearly states this in my profile. I cannot tell you how many die-hard Christian men who must have a die-hard Christian woman who will put Christ first in their life and attend church every week contact me. READ THE PROFILE.

If you are truly searching for your soul mate and the love of your life then take some time and put some added effort into your online dating. For many people, this is the only place they are meeting men and women because of busy schedules and their lives as single parents. If you’re not putting your best foot forward then you can’t expect everyone else to do the same.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

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About the author
I am a single mom & author. I write about dating, sexuality, health, parenting, and trying to have it all. My new book, "Evolve or Die Single," is a must-read for single men & even has some sizzling tips for couples.

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