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The Proper Way to Wear Cologne and Perfume

By Scarlet Mom | September 12, 2011 | Just For Fun, Self Improvement | Comments Off

When it comes to colognes and perfumes, less is definitely more. Basically, if people start wheezing and coughing when they come near you then you have overdone it. We shouldn’t be able to smell you five minutes after you leave the room. And you shouldn’t be able to clear out an elevator just by walking onto it (and still five minutes after you have exited). Why is it that only people who wear cheap, nasty-smelling colognes wear too much of it? Somehow, people who pay for the good stuff have figured out that taking a bath in it makes it smell like crap and makes those around you gag.

Why, you may ask, does everyone have such a vendetta against these people? It gives the impression that the person has two major traits that we all tend to dislike: social ignorance and overindulgence. People wonder how the person can’t tell why others are maintaining a ten foot radius around him or her, or how they thought that slathering on a rich fragrance would make them seem more appealing. Quite literally, wearing too much cologne or perfume reeks of desperation or arrogance.

Here are some basic rules for wearing cologne:

- If you can smell your own cologne or perfume, you’re wearing too much.
- One spray on your neck and one on your wrist is more than enough.
- If you must touch up in the evening, just add one spray. No more.
- NEVER EVER put on cologne or perfume before going to the gym or yoga.
- When you apply your cologne or perfume, don’t dab it; it “breaks” the scent.
- If you have dry skin, use a scented cream with your perfume. Apply it to your neck, hands, arms and wrists. Remember that even the most concentrated perfumes don’t last long on dry skins, so you will have to keep your skin moist.
- Oiler skins usually hold fragrances for longer as opposed to drier ones. If you fall into this category, you may use less concentrated (and more affordable) products, such as eau de cologne, which contains 2 to 5% of perfume diluted with alcohol and water or eau de toilette, which contains 4 to 10% of pure perfume oil.
- If you have short hair spray a small amount on your roots.
- If you have long hair scent your ends so the perfume will disperse evenly and leave a trail.
- Natural materials like cotton, linen, cashmere and silk enhance any perfume, so spray a small amount on your cotton shirts and woollen scarves before going out.
- Synthetic materials, on the other hand, are not usually breathable and cause their wearers to sweat a lot. When sweat comes in contact with perfume, whatever it is, it usually gives off an unpleasant odor so you might want to avoid perfuming your clothes if they are made of synthetic fibers such as nylon or polyester.
- Don’t use the same fragrance for a long time or the sensory cells situated in your nasal cavity will get used to it and you will end up being unable to smell it. In such cases, people tend to wear more perfume than they usually do, ignoring the fact that everyone else around them can smell it.
- If you’re not sure if you are wearing too much cologne or perfume, ask a friend. Just make sure it is a true friend that will tell you the truth.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

The Worst First Date You Can Possibly Imagine

By Scarlet Mom | September 4, 2011 | Single & Loving It | Comments Off

Think your first dates are bad? I thought mine were bad, too. That was until a friend confided in me about his worst first date. It actually won a radio contest. I admit…he wins, hands down. I hope I never have a first date, or any date, that trumps this.

I was going to a Second Baptist Singles group called No Fences. A friend of mine set me up with a friend of hers thinking we might hit it off. I spoke with this woman on the phone a few times and she seemed quite benign. I asked if she was going the Second Baptist Singles Christmas party. It was the same night as her Law Firm’s office party and she suggested I pick her up from there for our “first date.” Sounds innocent enough. We speak a few more times and all is well. I pick her up from her Law Firm and I’m surprised to find that she has been drinking. She is eating Altoids to try and cover it up but to no avail. I am obviously unhappy. This is only the beginning. Our mutual friend calls her and asks where we are so I decided to just go to the party and hoped everything would be fine.

We get there, the music is down low, people are arriving and many are eating. She does not look for her friend but instead walks right to the middle of the dance floor and starts grooving…all by herself. Don’t forget these are Baptists! She kicks her shoes into the corner and just grooves like she was the only one in the room, feeling every slow beat of the music. If she would have opened her eyes she would have realized the crowd had backed even further away and was staring, slack-jawed, at her. Every few minuets she would try to grab someone to dance with her. She grabbed a nice young man who has a heart of gold but sadly a lower IQ than many. With his plate in his hand he began to dance with her. I could only take a few more minutes of this before I stepped in and told her to stop.

She got pissed, grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom. I told my friends I needed to get her out of there right as I saw the singles class leader walking right toward me. By now all eyes were on me. She told me my date was drunk in the bathroom and we needed to leave immediately. I told her the situation but she did not care. Well, my date grooves back across the room and I tell her we need to leave…NOW! She proceeds to scream in a quiet room, “You can f*ck me but you can’t be seen in public with me?” All the air left my lungs while the entire room gasped at the same time. I could not get a single word out. I had them in my head but could not speak.

I headed to the front door of the church and gave a cab driver $50 to take her home. When she realized I was not going with her, she got out of the yellow mini-van and punched me right in the face. I turned and grabbed her arm only to see 30 people, mostly from my group again, gasp. I told her to calm down and had the valet get my car. A friend said he and his date would ride with us back to her place (truthfully, I wanted witnesses) but she was not having it. With great anxiousness, we headed out alone. Once on the freeway she tried to jump out of the car but the seat belt held her. I told her to calm down and behave. We got to 610 and the Beltway and out of nowhere she again tries to jump out (I’m doing 65mph). I grab her arm & hold her in. The door was just lightly latched when I exited into Jersey Village subdivision.

I saw that a subdivision cop had someone pulled over so I pulled over in front of them and told the female officer I needed help. She put me in her car for her safety, she went and spoke to my date. Minutes later over the radio I hear “possible assault on a female…NEED BACK UP!” A male officer suddenly pulls up, siren blaring. He walks up to me and says, “You think you’re tough hitting a woman?” I was shocked! He then returned to her and both officers continued listening to her story. After about five minutes they came back to me and asked for my ID. I had a Second Baptist logo in my wallet that the cop noticed so he finally began to listen to me.

He finally stopped me and and told me that the bottle of water that she had been sipping all night was straight vodka. She had red marks on her wrists from me grabbing her and holding her in the car which is why the officers initially believed her story of assault. She finally fessed up and I was free to go. When they were walking her past me to give her a ride home, she elbowed the female officer in the back shoving her out of the way and she slapped me. The officers grabbed her and slammed her so hard to get her off me that they broke the rear passenger window out of the police car. At this point, she was no longer going home; she had earned herself a trip downtown. I told the officers “thank you” and headed to a friend’s home.

My cell phone rang a for two hours straight. When I finally checked the endless messages it was her apologizing and telling me she loved me and how her life was over. A few hours later I headed home. When I reached for my keys I realized they were gone. While waiting for the locksmith I checked the rest of the crazy messages. On one of the messages she informed me while I was talking to the officers she removed the keys off my key ring and threw them out the window. She followed this with “our children would have been pretty” and hung up.

To this day, it’s the worst date story I can think of and, sadly, I was there.

Do you have a story that can beat this one? If so, I would love to hear it.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

You Make a Difference

By Scarlet Mom | September 1, 2011 | Self Improvement | Comments Off

Feeling worthless? Invisible? Believe it or not even the tiniest things you do matter and make a difference. Two different posts from two different people have pointed this out and now I’m going to be the third. Why? Because people need to be told and reminded that they are important, that they matter, and that by just being in someone’s life, they make a difference.

The first set of statements are from Tiny Buddha. The second set are from Seth Godin’s Blog. Read and enjoy. And remember: YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

When you show up for the people in your life, even though you’re having a hard day, you make a difference.
When you share what you’re dealing with, even though it makes you feel vulnerable, and help other people through your honesty, you make a difference.
When you practice what you preach, you make a difference.
When you honor your needs to create a sense of inner calm and well-being that permeates your interactions with others, you make a difference.
When you cut yourself some slack so you can use your energy to love, create, and inspire, you make a difference.
When you give people the benefit of the doubt, you make a difference.
When you listen fully, instead of waiting to talk, you make a difference.
When you focus more on being kind than being right, you make a difference.
When you find beauty in the world around you and help other people see it, you make a difference.
When you realize that your everyday actions are your greatest legacy, you make a difference.

When you love the work you do and the people you do it with, you matter.
When you are so gracious and generous and aware that you think of other people before yourself, you matter.
When you leave the world a better place than you found it, you matter.
When you continue to raise the bar on what you do and how you do it, you matter.
When you teach and forgive and teach more before you rush to judge and demean, you matter.
When you touch the people in your life through your actions (and your words), you matter.
When kids grow up wanting to be you, you matter.
When you see the world as it is, but insist on making it more like it could be, you matter.
When you inspire a Nobel prize winner or a slum dweller, you matter.
When the room brightens when you walk in, you matter.
And when the legacy you leave behind lasts for hours, days or a lifetime, you matter.

And the simple things:

When you take the time to smile at a stranger, you make a difference.
When you spend quality time with your children, you make a difference.
When you say “I love you,” you make a difference.
When you hug with meaning, you make a difference.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

Forgiving Yourself

By Scarlet Mom | August 29, 2011 | Self Improvement | 1 Comment

I have been angry lately. Which is strange because when I do get angry I don’t stay angry. One of the very first quotes I ever read of the Buddha’s I immediately loved and I have kept it very close to my heart:

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

So for me to hold on to this anger is not like me at all, especially since the person I have been so angry at is me.

As most of you know my last relationship ended in February, although it took until around April for me to sever the ties completely. When I look back at that relationship I can’t help but wonder why I let so many of those things occur that I know are not healthy for a relationship. I allowed him to avoid confrontation and arguments when I know that any relationship needs complete honesty and confrontation in order to survive. I allowed him to nickel and dime me to death and poison our relationship with his pettiness in money issues without saying a word for months. Why did I do this, among other things, for months, until I just exploded? By this time outsiders had noticed, causing me unbelievabe embarrassment as well as causing a major change in the dynamic of our relationship.

I could make many excuses. The truth is I don’t know why. For months now I have beaten myself up over this and wondered why I would allow this behavior when I myself preach to never allow such things. Was it great sex? Me going through a tough time with my job and really needing someone? It doesn’t matter now. What does matter is that I recognize this behavior, have corrected it, and am moving forward. Most importantly, I have forgiven myself. I have stopped beating myself up for allowing those things to happen. I won’t say I made a mistake with the relationship because I we did care very much for each other. However, I believe that had I been more like myself the relationship would not have lasted as long.

In my state of forgiving myself I have remembered what I tell my sister when she seeks my advice. It’s okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and don’t keep repeating them.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

The Amazing Stories My Son Tells Me

By Scarlet Mom | August 14, 2011 | Being a Mom IS Sexy, Just For Fun | Comments Off

As most of you know my son is adopted. I have told him many times about the day he arrived and how his dad and I got the call that the lady carrying him in her tummy called us telling us that it was time to come to the hospital. We talk about how beautiful and amazing it was the first time we saw him and how we cried when we did. I tell him about the first time I held him in my arms and how I didn’t want to ever let go; that I never did. And I tell him the most important story of all…how I loved him before I ever met him.

The first amazing story he told me was when he was getting ready to go away for the summer to be with his dad. We both were getting sad about being apart from each other and he was telling me how much he loves me and how he would miss me and Skype me every day. Then he told me the most amazing thing. He said, “Mommy, do you know that I loved you before I ever met you?” He proceeded to tell me that before he was ever born he felt my love and that he, too, loved me before he was ever born. I wept like a baby. I am crying as I write this. They are words that will stay with me forever.

Since he has gotten home from his summer away, he has a new, amazing story that he shares with me. He now tells me that he chose me as his mom. The story goes like this:

Mommy, when I was still in your tummy* I crawled out of your tummy and walked around until I found you. I chose you to be my mommy because you are the best mommy in the whole world and I love you so much. Then, I got back in your tummy so I could be born in the hospital. Are you glad I’m your son?

I tell him that he’s the best son ever and that I’m so glad he chose me as his mommy because I chose him as my son (it’s part of his adoption story we tell him). I tell him that my life would not be complete without him.

What are some of the stories and exchanges you share with your children? Do they make you weep like these make me weep? I would love to hear them.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

* My little guy knows that he didn’t come out of my tummy, but I don’t feel it warrants correcting during such a beautiful story.