All posts in Being a Mom IS Sexy

Never Settle for Second Best

By Scarlet Mom | September 29, 2010 | Being a Mom IS Sexy, Just For Fun | 2 Comments

I was married for ten, miserable years. Okay…there were maybe three good years that produced my amazing little guy. But I can assure you, I’ll never do it again. And dating in your 40′s? I had all but given up hope.

It used to be that you had to wait for your friends to tell you about their relationships gone bad (or good) but now it seems that everyone pretty much publishes their entire lives in their status updates on Facebook. It’s amazing what people will tell you about their lives through social networking. I watched a couple that I barely knew literally slug it out on FB while she posted pictures of her busted lip. People talk about affairs, knock-down, drag-out fights, and people that have been dating for two weeks post every hour on the hour about how much they love their snookums and can’t live without them. Sometimes it’s entertaining; most of the time it’s way too much information.

Whatever your past is, I believe that it is important to learn from it. My sister would always beat herself up for bad relationship choices but I believe as long as you learn from them and don’t repeat those mistakes, it’s all good. And one thing we definitely agree on is never, ever settle for second best. And one thing we definitely agree on is never, ever settle for second best.We all have a list of traits that we just can’t live without, traits that are realistic, traits that were present in past relationships that we refuse to put up with anymore. Don’t let go of those. As a strong, empowered woman you have every right to say “no” to anything that resembles unhappiness or especially any type of emotional or physical abuse. Free yourself from your past and know that you are a beautiful, strong, sexy woman who deserves the man of her dreams.

Don’t think he’s out there? I believe he is. From the day I separated from my ex, I knew I would not settle. However, the journey was disenchanting. I dated a few men, some for a few months, others a few weeks, only to find that I was still making very poor choices and seemed to be choosing the same type of men, none of which were a good fit for me. Too much drama and nothing fulfilling. I was just repeating my past. I then gave up on relationships all together. I dated…one or two dates, but always disappeared quickly as soon as they wanted more. I knew it was going nowhere and I had been tainted. I was scared and had been scarred. Screw love and screw finding my soul mate; too many shattered hopes had destroyed that dream. Fuck it. Soul mates didn’t exist.

But I now believe they do. I can now look back on the relationships that I have had and see how amazing these men were…and are. I can see, especially from the most recent ones, the important lessons I have learned about life and about myself. They have taught me what things I can live without in a relationship and what things I cannot. They have taught me to be patient and to keep searching; my soul mate is out there.

Ladies, YOUR soul mate is out there. Do not give up. Don’t take shit from anyone. You deserve better…you deserve the best. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. Don’t waste your time on Mr. Wrong. It is better to be with just your friends and with your family than wasting your time with someone who doesn’t treat you right. Be patient. Mr. Right is out there. He may not be Mr. Right Now, but he will come. And don’t let your past skew your judgment. Learn from it, use it, but have a clean, fresh, open heart ready to welcome your soul mate. I opened my eyes and my heart and what did I find? I found a whole world out there just waiting for me.

Still Rockin’ It.
Scarlet Mom

Who has more fun? Blondes, Brunettes, or Red-heads??

By Scarlet Mom | September 28, 2010 | Being a Mom IS Sexy, Spicing Up Date Night, Style | Comments Off

I’m constantly amazed by the women I see in my daily life through work, in the airport, picking up the little guy from school. Some of these women look amazing and I think, “Wow. Good for you.” Others I think, “What are you thinking??” Or rather, is it that they are not thinking…or not looking? Why does it take a divorced woman to take notice of herself in the mirror? I remember when I got married my then mother-in-law gave me this gem of advice: “Now that you’re married you don’t have to worry about your appearance anymore.” Really??? My advice is the opposite. Now that you’re married you have to worry even more about your appearance. Now that you’re married you have to worry EVEN MORE about your appearance. This goes for both of you. You are now sleeping only with each other, spending gobs and gobs of time with each other, and spending endless naked time together. Make it enjoyable to stare endlessly at each other; to caress and explore each other’s bodies. When it’s time for date night, make your partner proud to be with you. Dress that hot, sexy body up and fix your hair (guys, too). And guys, you know you’re going to get some so break out that razor and play dress-up as well.

Speaking of hair, ladies, what have you done with yours lately? Did you know that your hair color changes over your lifetime due to hormones and diet? So the beautiful flowing locks that you had at 20 probably are not the same locks that you have at 40. Do you have gray showing through? If you have naturally dark hair a salt and pepper look probably looks good on you. But if you have anything lighter than “very dark” hair it only makes you look aged. The term “growing old gracefully” has changed to mean growing old with style and class. By not doing anything with your hair, cutting or coloring, you draw attention to negative aspects of yourself. By finding a great colorist and getting a fabulous cut, you can take years off your look in a matter of an hour or two. Have you ever seen Oprah do a show on makeovers and making people look ten years younger? The biggest change is coloring and cutting their hair. My stylist Leigh told me:

Anyone that has had lighter hair their whole life probably will just look aged if they choose to let their gray grow in. There are many services now to meet everyone’s gray coverage needs such as 100% opaque gray coverage or softly covered gray blending where up to 75% gray is covered. Store bought products really lie to you to sell products. If you put permanent hair color from root to end every time you are ruining the hair; it will cause the hair to over grab pigment or have extreme banding. LIKE OLD LADIES!

So which hair color has more fun? They all do…because they took the time to find a good colorist and a good stylist and are rockin’ their look. That’s the key. Read fashion magazines and work with your stylist to find something that suits you and works with your face and your hair. And hair color is fun. You can change it up, change it back, make it more intense, add highlights, have fun with it. Personally, I think red-heads have the most fun, but I’m biased. My favorite compliment from people is, “I love your hair color. Is it yours?” I always answer, “Damn straight it is. I paid for it.”

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

(Leigh is located in Houston at Alan Murphy Salon. If you would like more information about her, please contact me.)

Hey Mom! Just Breathe….

By Scarlet Mom | September 20, 2010 | Being a Mom IS Sexy, Self Improvement | Comments Off

Being a mom IS sexy but it is also exhausting. Sometimes you feel like you just can’t do it, like you are at the end of your rope. MILF? Sex goddess? Fuck that. Give me a valium, some vodka, a babysitter and bubble bath and don’t talk to me…for a week. That’s me right now. Ever been there? That’s what I thought.

Within a week of starting this blog I had a woman comment on my fan page and ask, “…do you REALLY feel like a sexy MILF that is in touch with her inner beauty?? Is that an everyday feeling or just occasionally? Does that feeling just suddenly overtake you while wiping the 3 year-olds fourth poopy diaper in an hour. Or does it appear when the kids are screaming like hooligans at 6:45 in the morning while you desperately try to shush them because you are trying to let their dad sleep in??” My response was “hell no” did I feel it 24/7 but the goal was to hang on to a piece of yourself and not to lose YOU completely. No one can feel sexy with all that going on every minute of every day. That’s why I really stress to my female readers to empower yourselves and to find even just five minutes a day for yourselves, then find thirty and then turn it into an hour a day. Find something that is just for you then something that is just for your and your partner. Don’t let this fickle-ass bitch called life eat you alive.

Some weeks I find that really easy to do. Through yoga and meditation I have found it easy (or maybe easier) to be more present and in the moment and to let the things of the day go. I can have a truly shitty week but once my weekend starts, especially a night off from kids, I am truly present for it. Add to that the vodka that my significant other has waiting for me and I’m ready to rumble. But lately that hasn’t been so easy. My little guy started kindergarten in August and he is having a hell of a time adjusting. Rules, boundaries, sharing; to a strong-willed little boy with a ton, and I mean a ton, of energy, we’re having a tough time adjusting. Daily bad reports and countless notes from the teacher (let’s not forget my upcoming parent/teacher conference this week because of this behavior) are pushing me to my limits. And the behavior doesn’t stop at school. Backtalk, arguing…it’s giving this MILF a run for her money. Hanging on to “me” is harder and harder but I’m holding on tighter and tighter. I refuse to let go.

But I’m lucky. I have the sweetest, best little guy you could ask for. I have a great family in my siblings who also support me, especially my brother, who helps me daily in so many ways. I know how lucky I am but I know that not everyone is so lucky. Rest assured there are others like you out there who struggle every day with motherhood and fatherhood. I encourage you to reach out to other parents through whatever network suits you. It’s so easy today with social networking – Facebook groups (I have a couple favorites marked on my fan page), blogs, other parents at school, you name it. Take solace in numbers and reach out to those around you. Most importantly, know that you are not out here alone.

Still Rockin’ It.
Scarlet Mom

Being a Mom is So, So Sexy

By Scarlet Mom | September 3, 2010 | Being a Mom IS Sexy | 2 Comments

So far, every time I post something I talk about sexing it up, beauty, eating right, yada, yada, yada. But my friend Alison posted something this morning on FB that reminded me that just being a mom is incredibly sexy. My supercalifragilistic sexy boyfriend reminded me of that the other day during some pillow talk. We had spent last Saturday together as a single dad and a single mom with kids at an amusement type place with put-put golf and go-carts. It was a really fun afternoon and the first time our kids had met. Being a MILF was the furthest thing from my head and what he said to me blew my mind. He told me how sexy he found me that afternoon. Come again?? Remember, I live in Houston, Texas. It’s still 98 degrees and about 98% humidity. My hair was pulled back, any trace of make-up was melting off my face and I don’t think I smelled like my usual Chanel No. 5. At one point his youngest son commented, “Wow, look how much you’re sweating.” Gah. Shower anyone?? But he found my being a mom, just being myself, being loving and patient and fun with the kids, an incredibly sexy part of me. BEING A MOM IS SEXY!! Being a great mom is even sexier.

Reflections of Motherhood

Check out Alison’s web page. I know some of you will be able to relate allison.daily: “My intent is “to be the change I want to see in the world.”

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

Holy Uncontrollable Yawns Batman, It’s Date Night! Part Deux

By Scarlet Mom | August 31, 2010 | Being a Mom IS Sexy, Spicing Up Date Night | 1 Comment

How could I forget number six? My thoughts were once again tied up and in the gutter in anticipation of MY number six. Number six is one of my favs because I’m a single mom whose ex lives out of state. That means I don’t get many weekends off like a lot of single parents or have one week on, one week off like the ex and I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I love my little guy like nothing on this planet. But give a bitch a break…I need some me time, some us time, some vodka time. So why didn’t I post yesterday? Why was I tied up for hours on end??

6. Why not…have an afternoon delight? Take off from work early (please do this responsibly, don’t get fired over it), meet each other at the house (no kiddos!!) or at a hotel, break out the lingerie (I chose a corset and FMPs), toys, foods, VODKA, you name it. You have the place to yourselves and if you can get away early enough and the kids have after school care, you can have hours and hours of fun. He pleases you, you please him. Dirty talk, pillow talk. It’s never ending and you’ll find yourself scouring your calendar to find availability for your next clandestine tryst!!

Still Rockin’ It.
Scarlett Mom

Helping the everyday mom find her inner MILF

By Scarlet Mom | August 25, 2010 | Being a Mom IS Sexy | 10 Comments

Day 1. Blog 1.

A few months ago I decided I would start blogging and talking about the things that, as a divorced single dating mom, I noticed on a day-to-day basis about myself. Things that I have learned along the way…learned the hard way, learned through reading, learned through studying and wanting to be a model, learned through self discovery of myself.

I decided I wanted to reach out and touch a lot of the moms out there. Moms trying to find something for themselves once again or maybe find themselves for the first time ever. You may not even be a mom; you could be someone approaching your 30’s but both of you are starting to worry about aging, weight gain, your sexuality. This is definitely the place to ask the questions you’re too afraid to ask anyone else. I will address many different topics from skin care to eating right to sex. If something is too racy, just cruise on past it. The best part about this Blog is you can finally stop feeling alone. This Blog will offer advice for YOU…to feel better, look better, be sexual, be hot! I found a lot of my mom friends were a bit too prudish for the “real” me and discovered some great friends through Facebook groups. A fun new site on FB is “Dear DOOM.” Dear DOOM is an advice page where you can post your most outlandish questions or read others and see what advice DOOM gives. She is an absolute riot. It’s not hard to find relief from your everyday life or find others like you with a crazy side or what I call “your real side.”

So follow me, follow us, meet new friends, and find that inner beauty, that inner MILF, that is dying to come out.

The Ever So Magnificent MILF

“She’s hot, sexy, confident, knows what she wants, loves to give, loves to receive, is sensual, erotic, spontaneous, flirtatious, naughty and nice, but mostly naughty, and makes you think endlessly of what you want to do to her.”

“Being a MILF is ALL about attitude. Younger men like MILF’s because they feel like MILF’s know things…and we do.”

“Mature, lovely, confidant, classy, knows what they want, knows how to get what they want.”

If you ask both men and women, the underlying theme of what sets a MILF apart from the rest of society is confidence, attitude, and sexuality. We exude confidence and smack you with our attitude. And sexuality? Honey, if you have stopped liking sex or, heaven forbid, have never had an orgasm, get comfortable and keep reading. If you think your man, or partner, is okay with having sex once a month or not at all, or never receiving oral sex, think again. He’s either masturbating endlessly or getting it somewhere else. Of all the men I have dated that were divorced when I would ask them about their marriage sex life, they would go on and on about the inattention from their ex-wives and how oral sex ended the day they got married. Learn from my experiences, ladies; it’s not too late.

The first quote in this Blog is from a man. My man. Let’s get your man thinking this way about you! First and foremost, how do you feel about yourself? You don’t have to be a single-digit size to be beautiful, you just have to be comfortable with you (we will address some spiffying up and weight loss solutions in a later blog). Let’s start with confidence about your sexuality. Every morning before I get in the shower I look at myself, examine myself, naked in a full-length mirror. Let’s face it, if you can’t stand to look at it, neither can he. And turn around and look at that ass!!!! Look at ALL of you. Think you’re perfect? I’m not either. My man is telling me what you read, and when I look in the mirror, I see many, many flaws. The trick is to find what is beautiful and unique about you. Do you have legs up to your armpits? Gorgeous tits? A nice ass? Big eyes? An amazing smile? Everyone has that special something; it’s up to you to find it and accentuate it and and look at it every day. Find your confidence in you and exude it.

Sex. Do you have it? Do you have orgasms? If you have never had an orgasm then it’s time you learn how. Timothy Ferriss’ book, The 4 Hour Body, has an entire chapter dedicated to the female orgasm. I highly recommend it, especially if you have never had an orgasm or are not comfortable with doing so. There are no prude MILFs in this world. Explore yourself. That smile will never leave your face. I promise. Once you learn to love your body and sex and how good it can feel, you’ll want it all the time. This is YOUR sexual peak. Ever wonder why women in their 40’s hook up with younger men? We hit our sexual peak in our 40’s; men around 18 or 20. The universe is a mean bitch. It’s time to start enjoying this beautiful time in your life and owning your sexuality.

When is the last time you initiated sex? I once asked a male friend of mine this. He told me if his wife initiated sex he knew that she had done something horribly wrong because this woman NEVER initiated sex. Never. Ladies, it is commendable to be there for your children and your family but you cannot exist solely for your kids. You must save part of yourself for you and your marriage/partner. Always remember: A lady in public; a whore in the bedroom.

I have so much more to share, but I think I will save it for another day. I would love to hear feedback. Let me know what you want to hear about. Was this too racy? Not enough?? Let me know….

Still rockin’ it.
Scarlet Mom