All posts in Dating Life of a Single Mom

Remember the old adage “All the good men are either married or gay?” Well, it’s dead-on right. Did an entire generation of mothers fail us miserably? Were they unable to raise amazing, wonderful sons who know how to treat a woman? Or is it society’s fault? Is it the fault of the current generation of women who let these men get away with murder and become so…unacceptable?

I am taking a hiatus from dating. I can’t take any more bad dates and pathetic men. I asked around and got some unbelievable first date stories. Some of these belong to me; some to friends.

The date whose breath was so bad you could barely stand to talk to him. To top it off, he berates you all night because of your hair cut and your parking choice.

The date who asks if you want will pay for dinner because he has no money. (Sadly, I got a lot of these stories. This has happened to me too many times only because they are just cheap.)

The date who asks for someone else’s phone number while on a date with you. I also had a date invite some hooker-looking “ladies” to join us at the bar. He was classy.

A guy friend told me his date wasn’t working out so he politely told the girl. She became very upset and starting asking what was wrong with her. She then started asking him if he had any friends he could set her up with. Wow.

The endless dates that you leave (running out the back) because they are so boring, whiny, smelly, ungroomed, dressed like a hooker, too touchy, or start kissing on you within thirty minutes. Yuck.

Let’s not forget on-line dating and dating services. Dates that are 30 pounds heavier than their picture, 20 years older than their picture, or 25 years older than they’re supposed to be. It’s never ending.

I went to training with a guy who had no skills when it came to women. He had been married for twenty-something years and was a complete buffoon. He would walk through doors and let them slam closed on women behind him; he refused to bring the car around and pick others up in the rain. First of all, how could his wife allow this? Shame on her. Second, there is no excuse. Every one of us has the opportunity to educate and better ourselves and be a polite, contributing member of society.

I put off writing this blog because I was having trouble coming up with the words to describe the man that I was looking for without sounding like a complete bitch. But Single Dad Laughing blogged those words beautifully today. He was talking about dads but his words translate perfectly for all men, for Real Men. So I quote Single Dad Laughing in order to define a Real Man:

And while level of income will never define a man, level of dedication to the betterment of living for one’s family most certainly will.

There is no doubt that it is the duty of a man to provide for his family. A real man never questions this, and he never does anything less than what it takes to keep a roof over his family’s heads and food spread across his family’s table.

Real men don’t slack off or sit idly by. A real man is never content giving less than his all to his job and to his career. He is never content pushing for anything less than advancement in his position and increase in his fiscal situation.

He certainly doesn’t find happiness not working, sucking the system dry, freeloading government assistance while he does little or nothing to improve his, or his family’s situation.

A real man is also never content sitting home, ushering his wife out the door each day to go fight and fend for the family’s needs.

A real man does not hide behind a lack of education, lack of skill, or self-declared lack of ability. He doesn’t sit home, halfheartedly attempting to find employment, hiding behind the headlines of bad economies, tough hiring situations, or refusing to take jobs that are “below” his dignity. He doesn’t love the concept of unemployment income more than he loves the satisfaction that comes from bringing home a paycheck to his family each month.

He also doesn’t expect the world to hand him success or abundance on a silver platter. He understands that nothing worthwhile in life comes easy or free, and that even though he can’t always give his family a better life as soon as the following day or even the following year, over time, he does have the ability.

Real men are ambitious and they are motivated; they rise from whatever level they currently find themselves, and they always work to attain that next step up. A real man doesn’t permit himself to believe he’s forever trapped in a system or an income that he unmistakably knows he could improve.

If it’s education he lacks, he finds a way to become educated. He reads books, he takes courses, he watches programs, and he studies new tasks and techniques pertinent to his advancement in whatever medium to which he has access. For some, attaining formal schooling and degrees is the obvious or chosen path. For others, it’s ten daily minutes, learning whatever he can. Some men will make advancements over weeks or months. Others will take much longer. The speed does not matter. Only the effort, and only the direction.

If skill is the ultimate killer of opportunity, real men work to develop whatever skills they currently lack. They aren’t satisfied letting advancements in technology render their abilities obsolete, nor do they linger idly as they are cast to the bottom of the employee food chain. They aren’t content leaving behind bigger or better job opportunities simply because those who know different skills are more easily able to land such jobs. Instead, they learn what needs to be learned. They ask for help. They work extra hours without pay, if they must, shadowing others to gain the skills they desperately need.

Furthermore, a real man never declares himself as one who lacks ability. He refuses to declare that he is too unintelligent, too unable, or too incompetent. While some goals are more difficult to obtain, he believes that those goals are still free to be reached by any and all who will put in the proper work and sufficient time to do so.

Some men dream big. Some men dream small. Any man who dreams at all brings great things to his family and those around him. Real men are always numbered in this crowd.

I believe real men possess at least 12 traits: Honesty, The Ability to Protect, Motivation, Belief in You, Sense of Humor, Reliability, Commitment, Respect, Able to Provide, Attractiveness, Assertiveness, Leadership.

I believe in real men. I believe they are out there. I believe my real man will find me one day.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom