All posts in Single & Loving It

Are you a texting savant? More than likely, you are a texting dork. Do you text your potential dates with, “Yo!” or, even worse, “Did I mention that I’m a great lover? LOL.” Texts like that won’t get you noticed and might even get you blocked. (I didn’t go on a second date because an idiot sent me that “great lover” text. Moron.)

There is definitely an art to texting especially if you are texting a beautiful woman, who probably gets quite a few advances and texts every single week. AskMen.com posted a short video on texting women. I am quoting most of what they say in their video while also expanding a little bit.

NEVER SEND MEANINGLESS TEXTS
It’s great that you’re reaching out, but “Hi” is pretty damn useless.

SEND THE RIGHT TEXT & STAND OUT
Write playful and enticing texts. It’s okay to joke as long as it’s relevant and not sexting. If it’s early in the relationship then it’s way too soon. If you’re joking around NEVER insert “LOL” especially if you’re a guy. Grown men don’t LOL. Try “haha” instead.

Think I’m off base with the “LOL?” Think of someone you hold in high regard or that you admire. Let’s say it’s a Presidential figure, or maybe a famous CEO like Jack Welch. Maybe it’s a long-time colleague of your mother or father’s. Do you think he or she texts “LOL?” Exactly. Let’s class it up, shall we?

DON’T ASK EXTENSIVE QUESTIONS
Your texts shouldn’t FORCE the person to keep the conversation going, they should MAKE them want to keep it going. Keep it light.

DON’T BE CHEESY
Just be yourself. Don’t try out stupid pick-up lines and don’t start asking what he or she is wearing. Grow up.

BE PATIENT
While it is always important to return text messages you don’t have to return them the very second they arrive. A little anticipation can be nice.

While I am a firm believer in sexting, make sure the relationship has progressed to that point before launching into that rhetoric. Sexting is a lot of fun but if you both are not on the same page you will doom your relationship.

When you’re early in your relationship or just starting to date take note of the rules above and have fun getting to know your potential new mate!!

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

When conversing or arguing with your wife or girlfriend, there are some terms that you must come to grips with and learn very quickly.

Let’s dive right in:

FINE
This is the word that almost all women use to end an argument when she knows she is right (which she is 99.9% of the time) and you just need to shut the fuck up.

NOTHING
Nothing means something and you need to be worried. Very worried.

GO AHEAD
This is not even close to giving you permission and is instead a dare. Do not do it. I double dog dare you to go against my advice.

WHATEVER
This is every woman’s way of saying “fuck you.”

THAT’S OKAY
This means that we are done tolerating and arguing with you for the time being. It’s a woman’s way of taking a time out to think long and hard on how and when you will pay for your idiotic mistake.

WOW!
This is not a compliment. She’s amazed that one person could be so fucking stupid.

Should you choose to not learn these terms or to just dismiss them, you will probably hear, “Get out of my bedroom!” or, “Go sleep on the couch!” Once you hear these words you are officially in groveling territory and will need to figure out what your woman needs in order to accept you back into her good graces. Here are some ideas:

Flowers: If all your woman needs are flowers run, do not walk, to buy this woman an engagement ring or fall down on your knees and worship her for all eternity. She is an angel.

Shoes/Clothing: Don’t think for a second that either of these items come from a mall. Louboutins and Chanel can only purchased from high-end department stores like Neiman’s and Sak’s Fifth Avenue.

The Platinum Card/Cash: Placing your Platinum card or a very large wad of cash in her delicate and beautiful hands always works wonders. DO NOT give her a spending limit. Instead, tell her to make a day of it. Spa, shop and have fun. Why? Because you fucked up and she deserves it.

Don’t forget the make-up sex!! That’s the best part of arguing.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom