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Think your first dates are bad? I thought mine were bad, too. That was until a friend confided in me about his worst first date. It actually won a radio contest. I admit…he wins, hands down. I hope I never have a first date, or any date, that trumps this.

I was going to a Second Baptist Singles group called No Fences. A friend of mine set me up with a friend of hers thinking we might hit it off. I spoke with this woman on the phone a few times and she seemed quite benign. I asked if she was going the Second Baptist Singles Christmas party. It was the same night as her Law Firm’s office party and she suggested I pick her up from there for our “first date.” Sounds innocent enough. We speak a few more times and all is well. I pick her up from her Law Firm and I’m surprised to find that she has been drinking. She is eating Altoids to try and cover it up but to no avail. I am obviously unhappy. This is only the beginning. Our mutual friend calls her and asks where we are so I decided to just go to the party and hoped everything would be fine.

We get there, the music is down low, people are arriving and many are eating. She does not look for her friend but instead walks right to the middle of the dance floor and starts grooving…all by herself. Don’t forget these are Baptists! She kicks her shoes into the corner and just grooves like she was the only one in the room, feeling every slow beat of the music. If she would have opened her eyes she would have realized the crowd had backed even further away and was staring, slack-jawed, at her. Every few minuets she would try to grab someone to dance with her. She grabbed a nice young man who has a heart of gold but sadly a lower IQ than many. With his plate in his hand he began to dance with her. I could only take a few more minutes of this before I stepped in and told her to stop.

She got pissed, grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom. I told my friends I needed to get her out of there right as I saw the singles class leader walking right toward me. By now all eyes were on me. She told me my date was drunk in the bathroom and we needed to leave immediately. I told her the situation but she did not care. Well, my date grooves back across the room and I tell her we need to leave…NOW! She proceeds to scream in a quiet room, “You can f*ck me but you can’t be seen in public with me?” All the air left my lungs while the entire room gasped at the same time. I could not get a single word out. I had them in my head but could not speak.

I headed to the front door of the church and gave a cab driver $50 to take her home. When she realized I was not going with her, she got out of the yellow mini-van and punched me right in the face. I turned and grabbed her arm only to see 30 people, mostly from my group again, gasp. I told her to calm down and had the valet get my car. A friend said he and his date would ride with us back to her place (truthfully, I wanted witnesses) but she was not having it. With great anxiousness, we headed out alone. Once on the freeway she tried to jump out of the car but the seat belt held her. I told her to calm down and behave. We got to 610 and the Beltway and out of nowhere she again tries to jump out (I’m doing 65mph). I grab her arm & hold her in. The door was just lightly latched when I exited into Jersey Village subdivision.

I saw that a subdivision cop had someone pulled over so I pulled over in front of them and told the female officer I needed help. She put me in her car for her safety, she went and spoke to my date. Minutes later over the radio I hear “possible assault on a female…NEED BACK UP!” A male officer suddenly pulls up, siren blaring. He walks up to me and says, “You think you’re tough hitting a woman?” I was shocked! He then returned to her and both officers continued listening to her story. After about five minutes they came back to me and asked for my ID. I had a Second Baptist logo in my wallet that the cop noticed so he finally began to listen to me.

He finally stopped me and and told me that the bottle of water that she had been sipping all night was straight vodka. She had red marks on her wrists from me grabbing her and holding her in the car which is why the officers initially believed her story of assault. She finally fessed up and I was free to go. When they were walking her past me to give her a ride home, she elbowed the female officer in the back shoving her out of the way and she slapped me. The officers grabbed her and slammed her so hard to get her off me that they broke the rear passenger window out of the police car. At this point, she was no longer going home; she had earned herself a trip downtown. I told the officers “thank you” and headed to a friend’s home.

My cell phone rang a for two hours straight. When I finally checked the endless messages it was her apologizing and telling me she loved me and how her life was over. A few hours later I headed home. When I reached for my keys I realized they were gone. While waiting for the locksmith I checked the rest of the crazy messages. On one of the messages she informed me while I was talking to the officers she removed the keys off my key ring and threw them out the window. She followed this with “our children would have been pretty” and hung up.

To this day, it’s the worst date story I can think of and, sadly, I was there.

Do you have a story that can beat this one? If so, I would love to hear it.

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

I show up for my date and he has…longer fingernails than mine. There are nose hairs visibly hanging out of his nose (he could have flossed with one of them). Another time, slicked back hair that he could have squeezed out into his car engine. That Tom Selleck mustache of the early 80′s? It’s now considered a 70′s porn mustache. Evolve; grow a goatee.

I’m sure we all, men and women, have nightmare dating stories. This post is aimed at the men. I’m hoping to teach them a thing or two about first dates and dating in general. I am enlisting the help of a great blog The Art of Manliness. This is a wonderful site for both men and women, but especially men.

In their post What to Wear on First Date they address how to dress AND GROOM for a first date. This is your first impression on a woman and this could be the beginning of the rest of your life. Take some time and do it right. Why should you dress for a date? The Art of Manliness lays it out succinctly:

1. Physical attraction matters – Simply put, women care about appearances and are drawn to healthy, attractive looking men. Clothing covers 90% of your body–if worn correctly it can help you look better by strengthening your positive features and minimizing your less than attractive ones.

2. Dressing sharp for another shows respect – You can’t control whether the woman you’ll be meeting will like your personality; you can, however, make a conscious decision to take the time to look your best. She’ll be spending a lot of time making sure she is presentable and dressed for a fun time–the least you can do is return the favor. It’s simply a matter of treating another human being as you would like to be treated.

…AND MOST IMPORTANTLY….

7. Your date is sizing you up. On a first date, both parties are looking each other over, searching for clues about their date’s personality and long-term potential. You only have a few hours together, so these clues will not only come from your conversation, but your non-verbal behavior as well. It’s all well and good to say you want your date to like you for you, but how will she ever get to know you if she turns down a second date? Be sure that how you dress sends the right signals and not only shows respect but reveals your personality.

GROOMING
Nothing says sexy like a well groomed, freshly showered, well-dressed man. Yum. They ooze sexuality. Well-manicured nails are a must along with being freshly shaven and trimming your nose hairs. Never get your hair cut right before a date. Instead, one week prior is the rule of thumb. And NEVER do something new with your hair. Stay with the tried and true. If needed, trim the tuft of hair growing on the back of your neck. Like I said, freshly groomed is incredibly sexy. And guys, don’t be afraid of a professional manicure. I promise, it won’t make you gay.

There are rules for cologne. And this goes for the ladies, too. Let me tell you that there is nothing more disgusting than being able to smell your date’s cologne as you approach the table, or still being able to smell it once you leave the table because it is so pungent that it is stuck in your nostrils. Less is definitely more. The Art of Manliness sums it up nicely:

Cologne – Despite what the human pheromone peddlers in the back of men’s magazines may say, there is no magic cologne or scent out there that is going to have angels falling from the sky. There are certain odors that under specific conditions can–when a woman is receptive–increase her attraction to a man. But the factors involved are many–and you are much more likely to repel a woman if you try to manipulate this or if you come off as trying too hard. Instead, focus on simply being clean and if you wear anything–bay rum aftershave or a cologne–wear it very conservatively. Think if you were close to your date in a closed room–she should at most “just” be able to smell you. More than that and you’ll have her wanting to roll down the windows to breathe.

“And when it comes to the payment…You’re paying. All of it.” Every time.

When the check comes, don’t dilly dally. Have your credit card in a pocket (out of your wallet), put it in the bill holder, and slide it to the side. Don’t scour the bill and make your date feel uncomfortable. If something is wrong you can deal with it the next day by calling the restaurant. Be cool and stylin’ and take care of the lady. Classy is the way to do it. Take it from The Art of Manliness and their post on The Art of the Dinner Date. And take it from a Southern lady. You are not likely to get that second date should you ever ask your date to split the check. I speak from experience. And men, walk your date to her car. If she used valet, pay for the valet and tip the driver. That little extra will go a very long way in impressing her. Trust me.

Did I cover everything? Do you have some rules that I forgot? Let me know…and good luck!!

Still Rockin’ It
Scarlet Mom

Calling all singles. Single dads, single moms, single by divorce, single by choice. Scarlet Mom is taking her blog in a new direction and focusing on all of us singles.

Finding that special person is not easy, especially once you pass your 20′s. The dating pool gets more and more shallow and pathetic every day. Seriously, why are only douchebags not married? Now throw in being a single parent and this gets even trickier. I know what it’s like dating on my end, but what about for you? Do you have dating nightmare stories? What about the kids? Is it tough juggling parenting while dating? Have you even started dating yet? Is your ex a pain in the ass? Do you dare speak of him or her? And I’m not just talking to you ladies…I want to hear from the guys. Please pimp me out on your wall and to your friends and let’s get your single friends, especially some more men, signed up.

I am going to open up my blog to all of you, my guest writers. So many of you have amazing and hilarious stories to share but don’t have the platform to share them. Here is your opportunity. Start writing and send your stories my way.

I definitely want to know why I can’t find a decent man to save my life. Sure, I only give the poor souls two minutes before I size them up and then decide within five minutes if they have a chance in hell of ever sleeping with me. I look at their body…are they fit enough to be seen with me? Hands and feet…are they small? Ooh…bad sign. There’s the idiot who stuck his tongue out every time he smiled like a 12-year-old girl. I barely made it through lunch without smacking him. My most recent favorite is the complete douche that asked me to split the check with him. WTF? Listen…Scarlet Mom doesn’t split checks. I was raised in the South and men, especially gentlemen, are supposed to show some southern hospitality and treat the woman. To top it off, he took off in the parking lot without walking me to my car. What a jackass. Next!!

I really want to hear from the men, too. What goes through your mind on a first date? Is it really difficult for you to find quality women or are you just looking to get laid? Are you all as picky as me, or is there something horribly wrong with me??

I want to use this blog as a sounding board for us single, beautiful people to exchange stories and have fun. If you have a story to share and want to be a guest blogger, all you have to do is send me a comment on scarletmom.com and I will email you directly.

I think this can be a lot of fun. What do you think? Send me your ideas.

Still Rockin’ It…and still single.
Scarlet Mom